Angelo's - Friday November 23


Five’s new home-grown sitcom continues tonight. Set in a greasy spoon in London’s Trafalgar Square, Angelo’s follows the fortunes of a group of misfits, wannabes and losers including Italian owner Angelo and his truculent daughter Maria. In this episode, Maria meets Kris at the auditions for ‘The X-Factor’; Dave and Karen turn to Dave’s brother Kevin for help in conceiving a baby and Shelley terrifies another customer.

Maria’s dreams of superstardom receive a boost this week when she hears that she has made the long list for auditions on ‘The X-Factor’. “I’m down to the last 12,000!” she tells her father. Maria and best pal Alisha head to the auditions, where the would-be diva has plenty of time to practise her routine in the queue.

Whilst the girls are waiting, dejected street performer Kris emerges from the building, having been rejected by judges on the grounds he was “horrific”. Maria does her best to cheer Kris up. “You can’t let a little thing like being horrific stand in your way,” she says, consoling him with the thought that he has at least appeared on TV. “They show all the sh*t ones, don’t they?” she adds. But when Kris informs her that the initial round of auditions is not televised, Maria flounces off in a huff.

Meanwhile, married police officers Karen and Dave are forced to confront their fertility crisis when they meet up with Dave’s highly fecund brother, Kevin (Paul Kaye, ‘Two Thousand Acres of Sky’, ‘Kingdom’). Karen is desperate to conceive and can only be impressed by her brother-in-law’s prodigious output of five children in five years. Likewise, Kevin appears to be keen to help Karen out of her predicament. “I’m just saying, you should try to keep it in the family,” he says lasciviously. “If there’s anything I can do to help, you just have to ask…”

Karen duly invites Kevin and Dave to meet her in Angelo’s, where she broaches the delicate matter of having Kevin donate his sperm. Kevin, however, is keen to offer his services in a more direct way – for the one-off fee of £1,000. “He’s just asked for money to shag you!” an outraged Dave tells his wife. Kevin insists the payment would compensate him for the sacrifice of staying away from his child and never hearing it call him ‘daddy’. “That’s what you do with all your kids!” Dave retorts. Will Karen be able to talk her husband round to the idea of fathering his idiot brother’s child?

Elsewhere, minicab driver Shelley intimidates another hapless customer when she refuses to let him out of the car. “I run a little club on Thursdays,” she tells him. “It’s a weekly get-together where virgins can come and relax and be themselves. You should drop along one night.” Unfortunately, Shelley’s hard-sell campaign does not win over her mortified fare.

Also this week, Angelo decides to spruce up his café’s interior by adding a signed photo of chrome-domed Hollywood action God Bruce Willis. But who should make way for “the Willis” on the wall – Darren Day or Julie Goodyear? And Alisha has designs on Maria’s boyfriend Mickey, only to be roundly rebuffed.

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