This week Keith Lemon is in Australia, situated on the back foot of the shark shape he has plotted for his course around the globe.

To introduce this week’s show, Keith emerges from the desert dressed as a show girl. His failure to emulate ‘Prew-cilla Queen of the Desert’ may be as he hasn’t seen the film. “Is it an hormone-sexual film?” he asks cameraman Roy.

His first stop in Oz is the Sydney Opera House, which Keith correctly recognises as on one of Australia’s most famous assets. However, Keith also describes the famous landmark as looking like a bunch of “egg shells and chicken beaks.”

Australia is home to many beautiful beaches which Keith is keen to visit and also try out some beach activities. First he hits the waves to perfect his “surfing boarding” talent and then swaps his wet suit for a volley ball crop top and joins in a game with some “bang-tidy” volley ball babes.

Being in Australia reminds Keith of his ex-girlfriend Holly Valance and he experiences a flash back to that not so happy time.

The next day Keith is off to learn about the wildlife of Australia with expert Bruce Baggins, Bilbo Baggins’s brother apparently. Among the creatures he sees are giant Australian rabbits called ‘kangahroos’ and a member of the Diplodocus dinosaur family, the crocodile. Using a stick to close the crocodile’s eyes, Bruce can get close to the crocodile and gets Keith to sit on its back with him – “I had to do what he said otherwise he said he were gonna beat me with his stick,” Keith explains.

Keith describes the crocs’ natural habitat as a “pond of crocodile soup”. Bruce uses a dressed-up dummy to show Keith what happens if you slip and touch the water. A crocodile surfaces and thrashes the dummy around in the water by his head. Keith observes that the dummy’s jeans have come off and notes that “not only are they aggressive, but very talented as well.”

His next adventure in Oz is a flight in a small aeroplane to the outback. Captain Ben explains what each part of the plane is for before Keith exclaims “Let’s get buckled up before I sweat so much I’m reduced to the size of Prince.” After three and a half hours they land in the outback. Keith is disappointed to find that he cannot complete his plans to climb Ayers Rock, as it is sacred ground to ‘the Aboriginals’. Instead he meets up with Stefan Dennis who plays Paul Robinson in Neighbours. Keith discusses his new business ventures with Paul and asks him to be the face of his latest product, ‘Cere-Ale’ – the boozy cereal for adults.

During a spear making lesson, Keith tells Paul about his radical new plot line ideas for Neighbours. The pair discuss evil Paul beating good Paul with his wooden leg and the conversation turns to Heather Mills: “You lose your leg and you go evil,” Keith concludes.

Having left Stefan behind, Keith goes to the Bush Man Poet Society to read one of his creations. He receives a disappointing reception to his “distinctly brilliant poem” when he cannot think of anything to rhyme with ‘exciting’.

Keith’s final stop in Australia is the Great Barrier Reef which he describes as “the greatest, hence its name.” He joins a group of scuba divers to catch a glimpse of the underwater ‘organisms’ the reef supports.

Keith chooses a local term to describe his trip to Australia – “top bonza mate!”

Tuesday 18 March 2008 10:00pm – 10:30pm on ITV2

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