Keith Lemon's Very Brilliant World Tour

Tuesday 25 March 2008 10:00pm – 10:35pm on ITV2.

This week, dressed as Zorro, Keith introduces the next stop on his very brilliant world tour – Mexico.

His first observation is that the country seems to be populated with old men, women and children with wrinkly old tomato faces. At which point he bumps into Dev from Coronation Street – not really just a local look-a-like.

Keith’s friend and translator, who he’s nicknamed Penfold due to the striking resemblance he bares to the cartoon character, is his translator for the day. Penfold takes Keith to a local wrestling match and lands Keith an exclusive interview with Octagon, a midget wrestler. Once Keith has learned where Octagon can and can not wear his mask, he faces Octagon in the ring. Keith warns “if he hurts me I’ll knee the little bastard in the face”. Donning tights and a cape and about to wrestle with a midget, Keith likens the scene to “a party at Michael Barrymore’s house.”

To indulge him further in Mexican culture, Penfold takes Keith to a witchcraft market. Keith gets a lesson in voodoo but further than that is unimpressed and sensing Penfold’s growing annoyance at his attitude they decide to call it a day.

The next day Keith decides to take in some history and visits a Mayan city, in an attempt to cheer himself up. Standing beside the 1500 year old ruins he asks his guide “is this where Mel Gibson filmed Apocalypse Now?” Unfortunately it isn’t so and Keith decides to discuss Mel’s personal life – “He got drunk and went all racist didn’t he?”

In a further bid to cheer himself up Keith goes to the beach ‘”on the hunt for a new piece of pie” it’s pulling time. Sadly he experiences several knock backs and concludes that his “lady trapping skills are at an all time low”. He calls on Fabio, mojo maestro, to rectify the situation. Fabio advises Keith to think of a lady as a bowling ball – “you want to stick your fingers in each holes and see which you like the best” – and he advises that Keith do this with his willy not his big hand. Somehow Keith’s mojo is restored by this mystical advice.

He decides to put love on the back burner and danger on the front burner and travels into the jungle to see tarantulas, zip line across a river and to lower himself, along with Roy, down a big well, deep in the jungle. None of this fazes Keith as he holds a wealth of knowledge about the jungle after hours of Discovery channel viewing, thanks to Jonny showbiz’s chipped box.

Keith’s next Mexican adventure takes him to a small city to see bull running. He learns that it’s a seriously dangerous event that people travel from all over the world to see and some actually die. Seeing it with his own eyes though Keith feels sorry for the beasts, so much so that he starts to hear the bull’s inner most thoughts.

Finally, Keith is off to the carnival celebrations – “like Notting Hill but without the stabbings and the drum and bass and full of bang-tidy babes.”

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