Hello there talent show fans, here is the LIVE recap blog for Britain’s Got Talent 2009! Yes, LIVE!
Here’s to the start of what will hopefully be a beautiful journey, where we see Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan audition the good, bad, the ugly, the bloody fantastic, and the downright weird. Hooray!
Heeere we go!
Goodness me, did you see that dog pushing another dog in a trolley? They’re my winners already.
They’re in London first. All these people think they’re good enough to perform in front of the Queen. YEAH, we’ll see.
First to face the judges is 59-year-old security officer Manjit Singh. He has come to show off his strong man skills. What’s he doing? He’s going to blow up a hot water bottle with his breath, that’s what. That’ll make him out of puff and cause an injury, surely?! Goodness me, who’da thought it would blow up that big?!
Next, he is pulling a car with his ears. OW. I can’t watch this, It;s moving! He’s done it!
Piers has said he’s a “lunatic”. I kind of agree – yes, you heard me, I agree with Piers – as that’s got to hurt. Simon asks what the next biggest thing he could pull is. A Boeing 747?! Manjit, you nutter. He’s through to the next round.
Next up, 40-year-old Greek Cypriot, Demetrios Demetriou – cool name – and his 12-year-old son called Lagi. They are a father and son duo, known as Stavros Flatly. Hahaha, I like their sense of humour. If they can do Riverdance, they should totally be through.
Lagi says: “I would go to my Dad’s restaurant, and when I saw him dancing and the passion he had I just wanted to be up there with him”. They’re going to dance “Greek style”. What’s not to love?
Bloody hell this is funny, look at them go! The old guy is topless and everything/ Dance Lagi! He reminds me of Bobby from KIng of the Hill. That’s a good thing.
This has really put me in the mood for mezze.
Simon has said it is one of his “favourite dance acts ever”. All the judges loved it, and it certainly got the audience going.
THEY’RE THROUGH!
In Glasgow now, and there’s a lot of rubbish here. Jeez. Some of these are awful. A frightening looking clown woman, and some weird children dressed as penguins doing some tap dancing. BOO.
Simon is looking grumpy. I’m not surprised, I would be too watching that.
Now we have James Boyd, who is 33 and from Dumferline.
He is going to attempt to set a new World Record for eating as many Ferrero Rocher’s as possible in one minute. Classy.
According to James, the world record stands at seven. “Everyone thinks it will be easy but I’ve been practising for the last 6 – 7 months, nobody else has done it throughout the world.” You can choke if you’re not careful. Death by Ferrero Rocher would be bad.
I hate Ferrero Rocher, I find it an effort to eat just one. I much prefer Thornton’s viennese truffles. If anyone wants to get me any.
ANYWAY.
Haha, Ant is having a go at the challenge backstage! It’s better watching Ant do this than James. Sorry James.
He ate four. James I am disappointed. Stage fright? Go away in shame. And wipe yer mouth.
He ain’t coming back. BYE BYE.
More awful acts. Some lass is opening and closing the mouth of a puppet along to the tune of Mariah Carey’s Hero. 
Now we have 48-year-old Susan Boyle from West Lothian. Susan doesn’t work, and she lives at home with her cat Pebbles and has never been married. She’s been singing since she was 12 and is hoping to make the audience “rock”. GO SUSAN!
Here we go. She’s singing ‘I Dream A Dream’ from Les Miserables.
Wow. She’s amazed everyone. Amanda is crying. Simon is in awe.
SHE’S THROUGH. Of course she is, she was brilliant,
Back in London, now we have 60-year-old telephone engineer Andy Demetriou. Andy’s biggest influence is Gene Kelly, who himself performed on the Royal Variety 26 years ago, and Andy would love to follow in his footsteps, “I am the old man’s Gene Kelly, I just hope the audience and the Judges approve.”
Andy gives Ant & Dec the cue to play the music, but his act isn’t Gene Kelly at all. He looks like he’s is doing a weird silent performance mime thing. Amanda said it was “very bad”.
Simon has explained his reason for buzzing Andy off: “the problem was the dancing, you just stood in the same spot and swayed a bit left to right”.Nicely put, Simon.
He’s not budging, and he won’t leave the stage. He won’t stop his mad swaying. And now Ant and Dec have joined him. Is this a new dance craze? Answer: no.
Now we have a London-based dance troupe called Flawless. They are a group of friends from North London who have been performing together for four years, and they are hoping today that they’ll deliver a “flawless” performance. Their ambition is to “chase the dream and not the competition”. Wow man, that is like totally from the heart.
Wow, these guys can dance. Backflips and everything.Very well synchronised.
The audience are up on their feet and joining in. Simon is giving them a standing ovation! He describes them as “one of the best things I have seen in my life.”
THEY’RE THROUGH. Of course.
Ah, they’re so happy. And we have background music of R Kelly, I Believe I Can Fly. The love is strong with these guys.
The auditions are now in Birmingham. And the first act up here is 57-year-old Gwyneth Marichi. Gwyneth, dressed as a witch, explains to Ant & Dec that she comes from Wolamazoo – please note, that spelling may be incorrect as she is NUTS and clearly just made it up – just north of Mars. Right.
Her jokes are not impressing anyone. Simon said her act was “appalling”, which has left Gwyneth a bit unhappy. Haha, she’s cursed the judges. She’s left them with “a one and only lifetime curse that will leave you all doomed.”
Bye Gwyneth.
More terrible acts follow. They’re not even worth mentioning. You should make a quick cup of tea or go for a wee at this point.
Next up, a singing group, Good Evans.
No ordinary singing group, they’re a family group! Mum is Estelle, Dad is Giles, and their children are sister’s Georgia (7) and Olivia (6) and son Elliot (13).
Oh they’re sweet! Elliot sounds brilliant. They’re singing Singing I’ll Be There.
Surely they’re in? Simon wonders whether the kiddies should perform without their parents. He does have a point.
THEY’RE (ALL) IN! YAY.
Last up is 35-year-old Fabia Cerra, a housewife from Oxford. Fabia started dancing when she was nine and she was a world champion in disco dancing until the age of 16. Fabia says dancing was “something she was born to do” but as Fabia started a family, dancing took a backseat. Fabia now wants to persue her dream, and “give others back their confidence that they lost if they had a talent when they were younger. It doesn’t matter about age, if I can dance I’m going to do it and go for it, that why I’m here on Britain’s Got Talent.” GO FABIA.
The music has started, and oh my, she is also stripping!Bloody hell, she did the splits. PROPER SPLITS, That’d be risky in that outfit.
Ha, the looks on the judges’ faces are priceless. as she’s now down to nipple tassles, which she is merrily swinging around.
WARDROBE MALFUNCTION! One of the nipple tassles has flown off.
Simon is a bit lost for words, and can only say “oh my God”. Piers describes her as “My kind of woman”. Then again, that’s what you’d expect from Pers. Simon now says he adores her.
Will the judges go for this? Maybe the Queen would actually like it?
Yes from Piers (obviously). Amanda says yes. And so does Simon!
Fabia and her nipple tassles are through!
And that’s it for tonight. See you next week. I’m going to eat my tea now. Goodnight!
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