Are you ready for the return of The X Factor?

Are you ready for the return of the biggest, silliest, gaudiest, loudest TV show on Earth? Yessir, The X Factor is returning and it’s going to take over the world for the duration of transmission whether you like it or not.

On Saturday at 7pm, Britain’s weirdest talent show returns for a brand new series. Judges Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole, Dannii Minogue and Louis Walsh will look for hopefuls and baulk at weirdos and people who sing so badly that they could buckle skyscrapers with their putrid voices.

The heats start in London, before moving on to Manchester and Glasgow. Of course, Simon and Louis will fall out and Dermot O’Leary will host with a wry smile as ever.

While the final stages of the show feel like Wrestling For Girls, with the explosions, dramatic music, off-stage spats and panto booing, the opening feels a bit more like watching a weird alternate universe darts league, with podgy people sweating under bright lights and trembling with the pressure.

Whether you like it or not is almost a moot point. It’s an all pervading programme that gobbles up everything in its wake, leaving people who Normally Hate This Sort Of Thing sporadically tuning in and muttering foul words under their breath.

The X Factor: Polarising people into those that hate it and those that don’t watch. It’s an insane, heady brew that will make you feel dizzy and drunk.

In TV terms, it’s pretty much perfect television. Don’t you dare try and get in its way.

About the author

I'm Mof Gimmers.

I've been writing about TV for a long time. I love it and loathe it in equal measures. I'm pretty sure the TV feels the same away about me too.
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