The X Factor Series 6 Week 5 – The Results (aka I like to Movie It Movie It)

20:01 It’s the results and our predictions at TV Throng HQ? Lloyd and Lucie in the bottom too. Possibly Jamie. Tonight’s musical guests – Leona Lewis and the Black Eyed Peas. Ms TV Throng doesn’t mind the Black Eyed Peas, I’d rather get a punch up the bracket than listen to them.

20:02 Here come the judges, introduced with the Superman Theme. Grandiose much?

20:04 Watching the group performance is like being trapped in the Butlins on the South coast of Hell. This week it’s Katy Perry’s Hot And Cold. It’s…luke warm.

20:07 The recaps and once again, Ollie’s performance has made Ms TV Throng leave the room!

20:08 Louis and Cheyl arguing over Lloyd. Sorry Cheryl but the leprecaun is right, he’s bobbins.

20:09 Recap of Louis all angry about Gummo. People need to send him DVD copies. “Louis should be a traffic warden,” says Simon. I think he’s under-qualified.

20:10 Dannyl was very good last night. I hate writing that. I am simply jealous that Ms TV Throng fancies him.

20:11 Still shocked that Simon said Jedward were “sort of good”.

“To be fair to the boys, they probably are better rapping than singing. They can’t sing.” OK so he wasn’t that nice to them.

20:12 A recap of the Black Eyed Peas career. They were a great underground hip-hop act that got bored with acclaim and went for money.

Here’s Fergie being lowered from the rafters on a moon. She looks…unusual. The rapper who isn’t Will.i.am has a nice mohawk going.

20:14 Where’s Will.i.am? Oh, he’s just been flown in on strings like Tinkerbell with bling.

20:16 Now he’s playing a keytar – that is AMAZING.

20:17 Dermot is medically incapable of sounding genuine.

20:18 “Don’t take people’s opinions and let it affect you,” says Will.i.am. There’s a lesson he learned from the My Humps period.

20:19 Cheryl leant Fergie her shoes. Oh there’s a nice story for the tabs.

20:24 Louis and Dermot make up. I think they’d already done that earlier involving a bearsuit and a big pot of lube.

Louis thinks Lloyd is at risk. Dannii ducks the question. Simon thinks Lloyd’s in the line of fire to go. Cheryl not impressed.

20:25 Here comes Leona Lewis!

20:27 She is a class act. Shames there’s no one this year who can really compete.

20:28 Comment from Adrienne, honorary TV Throngette: “That poppy is ruining her look!” I agree.

20:31 Ms TV Throng loves Leona’s dress. I just love Leona.

20:32 Simon says she’s an “inspiration”. Yep, to his bank balance!

20:37 I always want to sing “It’s the RESULTS, it’s the RESULTS” over the dramatic music. I think I need help.

20:38 Joe’s through (sigh). Jamie looks smug. Ollie’s through (clearly fans of his chest hair voting there). Stacey’s through (hurrah!) Lloyd’s through (seriously? who the hell voted for him? hands up please teenage girls). Danyl’s through (no surprises there).

20:40 John and Edward and Lucie in the final two. Jamie’s through. Gotta be John And Edward going. John and Edward are going. Simon won’t vote to save them, neither will Cheryl or Dannii. It’s the end of the road for the little oddballs.

20:45 Simon says he’ll base it on the performance tonight. Lies!

Dannii says she’s suprised Lucie has to sing again. I think it’s a shame but it was a bad song choice that put her there.

20:47 Lucie’s singing Whitney Houston’s One Moment In Time. It’s a decent rendition but it doesn’t matter because this vote must be a foregone conclusion. Although: could Simon vote for John and Edward because they’d be less competition. Tactical move?

20:50 Running around hasn’t exactly helped John and Edward with the…erm…singing bit of the whole “sing a song to survive” challenge. Then again, Robin Williams sings Rock DJ like a goose farting in the fog.

20:52 Dannii saves Lucie, Louis saves John and Edward. Up to Cherly and Simon. Cheryl says she loves Jedward but she’s sending them home. Simon has got to vote against them hasn’t he. Or has he…Mr Drama. He’s loving this.

20:53 Simon says he doesn’t think either of them can win. “Who would I rather see again? Probably the boys…” Oh, he’s gonna pull the suprise card out of the pack isn’t he.

He’s letting the public decide. Pussy.

20:54 Ms TV Throng thinks Simon getting to avoid choosing is a swizz.

20:55 Lucie got less votes and Jedward survive. She must be totally gutted.

20:56 “Lads! Please go and join the other contestants.” Dermot really gets aggressive.

Lucie’s leaving music? I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman. Such a terrible cliche song.

20:57 Sad to see Lucie go. She’s so much better than Jedward. Dannii: “I just wish all the good singers good luck in this SINGING competition…I obviously did something wrong.”

20:58 OK, folks joke’s over. Let’s get Jedward out of there. They’re already the PJ and Duncan of the 21st Century.

20:59 Next week…Shakira! Shakira!

Thanks for watching with me folks.

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