Are you ready for the World Cup 2010 TV takeover?

The World Cup is so close that you can almost taste the drinks promotions and the resultant crushing hangover that makes your brain feel three sizes too big for your skull.

And yes indeed, your TV will be riddled with men kicking a football or chasing people kicking a football and men endlessly talking about other men kicking and chasing a football. Are you ready?

The World Cup must be hell of the sport-hating TV fan. Coronation Street gets shunted off to daft times because some inconsequential match went into extra-time and then penalties.

In some cases, your favourite shows will be ditched altogether because the news is more important and, infuriatingly for you, topical sniggerthons featuring James Corden will be deemed more relevant, leaving people running out into the street in tears into the arms of men in England shirts… their cars draped in St George’s crosses with JJB logos on them.

Essentially, you will not be able to escape it for a month.

Auntie BBC and ITV will be rammed with live matches, the worst/best fervour coming along for England matches with every single aspect analysed to the point of plucking every single blade of grass from the pitch with tweezers and gently laying each one down on a psychiatrists couch.

Yet, should you decide that you’ll run away to the relative sanctuary of BBC Two and Channel 4, don’t think that football will leave you alone there…

Pretty much 100% of the world’s advertisers will be shoving spherical leather down your neck while they peddle cameras, chocolate bars and burgers.

So how are you preparing for this footballing onslaught? Of course, people like me (aka idiot football fan who will watch and whoop at absolutely any game, regardless of importance, relevance and quality) will be happier than a pig with two arses… but for those of you who want to slit your neck at the footballing festival will have to come up with a plan or simply silently suffer.

One thing we’ll endeavour to do is to keep you in the loop for decent shows that aren’t football based so keep an eye on the front page. Otherwise, may I advise doing some David Blaine style isolation stunt where you live in a box up a pole for a month because it is the only feasible way of dodging the footballs.

About the author

I'm Mof Gimmers.

I've been writing about TV for a long time. I love it and loathe it in equal measures. I'm pretty sure the TV feels the same away about me too.
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