Plus, my investigation into Benedict’s alter ego Johnny Anglais yields knob-a-rific results…
In the wee small hours of today, Day 18, a mysterious mystery began when things in the kitchen moved around, apparently of their own volition…
Or at least, that was what some of the HMs thought this morning when they got out of bed and found nothing was where they left it.
However, as with most things, there was a perfectly logical explanation and in fact, the groceries had all been given new homes thanks to original pranksters Lauren, Benedict, Luke A and Deana… o and of course Lydia, for there can be no Punch without Judy, no smoke without fire, no drama without Lydia.
The point of the midnight jape was simple, and the pranksters’ mission, if they chose to accept it, which they did, was to annoy the shiz out of Luke S, who spent literally minutes on Day 17 arranging the cupboards to his own exacting specifications.
And sure enough, he didn’t disappoint the pranksters for this morning, when he stumbled into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea, nothing was where it should be…
Shievonne also couldn’t quite believe the evidence of her eyes as she saw row upon row of eggs sitting quietly in their cups. Put there by human hand or the work of a poltergeist with a food fetish?
Well, there was much debate on that one, but Shievonne reckoned if she simply stared at enough of the evidence, the answer to the mystery would become obvious…
As of post-lunchtime, she’s still investigating and still no further on in discovering who or what was behind The Case of the Flighty Food, also subtitled, Dude, Where’s My Carton of Orange Juice.
However, the morning high jinks have provided cover for Caroline to lurk up to Becky in order to apologise for suggesting that Becky would be nominated for eviction by just about everyone.
As you will recall, now that nobody can talk about nominations, Caroline invoked the wrath of BB – who turned off the hot water – by doing so with Conor, and it was during that chat that Caroline claimed Becky would be offski soon.
Caroline sat down opposite Becky and said, “You know I’m sorry…” which was the green light Becky needed to put forward her case for being super pi**ed off at Caroline.
She told her she’d insulted her, been two faced and was appalling, to which Caroline kept repeating her stock-in phrase, “You know I’m sorry…”
And after about six years of that – or maybe it just felt like it – Becky then said, “I’m not arsed anyway, about what you said.”
Yeah, truly convincing that is after 24 hours of tears, and about as many spent ranting about the whole thing to anyone who was too slow to get away.
Her final shot across Caroline’s posh bows was, “I’m not angry at you, I’m just disappointed.”
I thought only parents were allowed to use that line? Isn’t it like a law or something?
However, Caroline ended up undoing most of her good work in repeatedly saying, “You know I’m sorry…” by saying, “I want to be your friend, I don’t want to find you annoying.”
Oo epic fail.
Elsewhere in the house, at midday, a hungry Deana offered massages in exchange for biscuits, as you do, and Benedict was singing – in French, impressively enough – about a lonely pigeon.
Ashleigh was telling some of her fellow housemates that the London Underground must’ve taken a lot of work to build – wowzer, whoda thunked – while Adam decided to show off his vocal abilities via the medium of mimicry.
Here’s a clip of that…
Also, at 1.30pm, BB took away the hairdryers in the house, which angered Arron considerably since he’d spent time last night carefully filling the blowers with talc. However, Lauren, who of course faces eviction tonight, was fuming because now, she might have to go out with bad hair. Shit, it doesn’t get worse than that.
But of course, she may not be leaving – Benedict might be. Who are you hoping goes?
I hope Lauren goes to be honest, not because I don’t like her, but because Benedict is way more entertaining, and let’s face it, fitter.
My.. that's a big yellow blob you have there Benedict...
Actually, talking of Benedict being a tad fit, I ‘accidentally’ did a Google search on his Johnny Anglais persona, and found some pictures that I can only describe as thoroughly shocking, obscene and, well, as mentioned in the title of this article, knob-a-rific…
And in the interests of proper journalistic research, I waded through about a hundred of them, just to be sure that my utter disgust was indeed warranted…
And o my, was it ever. However, in the interests of preserving your eyesight, and our not getting thrown off t’interweb, I cannot share with you what I found.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a moment alone… *seriously, where did I put those batteries…
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