Throng

After last week's muddled attempts to rebrand the bucolic beaches of Margate, this time the teams are set to descend on a baby show. The previews showing James lolling about in a birthing pool fill me with dread. According to Margaret's ever reliable preview we can expect stilettos designed for infants and Debra riding an expensive rocking horse. It seems Margaret wasn't too suprised by this occurence as "she's spent much of the series riding one hobby-horse or another...maybe it's the whip that's the attraction." Couple that vision with the lingerie shots of Debra that popped up in the News Of The World this week and you've got the recipe for some pretty vivid nightmares. My prediction for tonight: Ben will throw his toys out of the pram throughout. 

Join me here from nine for all the tears and tantrums as well as to find out who Sir Alan sends permanently to the naughty step. 

21:00 "First prize, you get to work for me..." Second prize is a goldfish in a plastic bag. Oh no, sorry I forgot, "there ain't one." 

Clip of Philip singing the Pantsman jingle in the round-up. Where is he now? Preparing for panto you suspect. 

21:02 Recap of last week including Mona's truly cringe-inducing tranny inquistion. And we see the arguments between Lorraine and Yasmin and Debra's screw-ups, you suspect this is a bit of foreshadowing for this week's tussles. 

21:04 Six am and Debra emerges with a towel on her head to take the phone call. 

"I'm probably skating on thin ice," says James. He's talking sense for once. 

Sir Alan is meeting them at a hospital. Debra wonders if the task is to resusitate people. Her banter is about as tasteful as her wardrobe. 

21:05 Sir Alan meets them at the maternity ward. Let's hope none of the little darlings have spotted him, they'll be in tears for weeks. 

This week's task: choose products from a range of suppliers and then flog them at the Baby Show at Earl's Court. 

Sir Alan picks James and Lorraine to lead the teams because they're parents. The logic here appears to be that having functioning genitals qualifies you to lead. 

21:07 Good news, Lorraine has been to the show before. She ended making impulses purchases. She thinks they should opt for a high end product and a more affordable one. 

21:08 Minutes into the challenge and Ben is already disagreeing with James's decisions. Here comes this week's conflict. 

21:09 "The mother needs to be happy..." James is explaining breast feeding. "If she's not the tap in there turns off." Not only is he business brain beyond compare, he's also an expert anatomist. 

21:10 James is already in the bathing pool. He's pretending to be a pregnant woman. Margaret is looking on quite indulgently. I think she wishes James was her son. Albeit a son that would probably end up living in the shed at the end of her garden. 

The bathing pool sellers have sold at the Baby Show before. They claim they've sold loads. Yasmina and James think they scent a winner. 

21:11 James and Debra are looking at a baby crash helmet. Ben has the adult version for rugby and yet he still acts like someone who's taken a few knocks to the head. "I'd want my kid to get some cuts and bruises," he says caringly. I suspect Ben's obnoxiousness might make this a problem he never has to worry about. 

Jame's classic swearing returns as he dubs the helmet "Cod shit". That's what his tie-in doll is going to say. 

21:13 Lorraine takes a look at a really snazzy buggy and negotiates the price down. She may have a face that only a mother could love but her negotiation skills seem to have been pretty sharp in this task. 

21:14 Heel-arious...it's those stilettos for babies. Kate and Howard aren't impressed. I'm suprised. Based on their track record you'd have thought they'd have gone for a job lot. 

21:15 Debra and Be go to look at high-end rocking horses. "I'm so going to want one," says Debra. Does she see a family resemblence? 

The horses sell for £1500. Apparently they're the makers of the "best rocking horses in the world" and sell them to kings and queens. Debra and Ben are taken with them. 

21:16 Lorraine's in the birthing pool. "What you're doing, is opening this place here..." says the saleswoman pointing to a model of a pelvis. On the sofa, this house's resident grump points his head towards the sick bowl. 

21:17 Kate loves the child safety helmet. "It's all about the guilt factor" she says revealing her sales strategy. She's all heart. 

21:18 Lorraine opts for the buggy and lets Kate and Howard persuade her to get the ThumpGuard (the baby helmet), this is a bad move. Lorraine thinks it will be ok: "We're brilliant sales people." What evidence is this based on. 

Ben and Debra betting on the horse, Yasmina and James want to go with the birthing pool as their second choice (only 2.2% of women give birth at home). Yasmina thinks that a particularly stupid move. She'd rather they went for the buggy... 

21:21 Meanwhile back at the penthouse Lorraine is wrestling with said pram and she can't work out how it's super-easy folding mechanism works. 

In the next room, James's team are looking at the rocking horse. It is beautiful. 

21:22 On the way to the exhibition, Lorraine is looking worried: "They got that £2000 rocking horse, if they sell one of those we're ****ed." 

21:23 And they really are. They've just discovered that another seller with a massive stand is selling the same buggy as them. Plus she can't negotiate the price and they can. Oh and she doesn't know how it works. 

21:24 Howard vs a baby. He wants it to wear the helmet, it would wants him to leave it alone. 

21:25 Lorraine is battling with the buggy. She can't demonstate it. Customers are running from her. 

"Done properly, it's the easiest thing in the world," says Nick sardonically. 

The customer has shown Howard and Lorraine how to assemble the buggy. Huge fail. 

21:26 The price on the rocking horse is putting customers off. Debra takes it off. 

21:27 The birthing pool is selling well although James's rather indepth knowledge of women's anatomy is well...a bit icky. 

21:28 People actually like the baby helmet. Point proved: people will buy any old shit. 

21:29 "Hi there," says Ben "Can I interest you in our rocking horses." A littl boy looks at him like he's a fool. Children are very perceptive. 

21:30 Howard annd Kate are shifting buggies. 

21:31 Ben is not doing well with the rocking horse. 

Debra trying to shift one: "They are quite expensive..." This house's resident sales pro has a good point. Talk about value, don't say they're expensive. 

Customers are now realising that the pram is selling for less elsewhere. Lorraine's team has lost a cluster of potential sales. Oh dear. 

21:32 Debra has a customer interested in buying the rocking horse. He wants a £200 discount. She can't give him that but she's offering herself to him to work for a week. This wouldn't be worth 50p. Her aggressive nature is coming out again. 

"I feel like I've backed a horse and it's died." says James. I don't think he'll win the show but he's got a future in clowning ahead of him. Current prediction: James to go. 

21:34 In the boardroom, Sir Alan is recapping everything he told them to do earlier. Why does he do this? Does he forget? 

How was your team leader asks Sir Alan. "If I'm being honest," says Ben, "He wasn't any good." Atta boy, you really are a team player. 

21:35 Sir Alan wonders why they chose the rocking horse. He's not impressed. He wonders why they didn't opt for the buggy. James gives a well reasoned defence of why he didn't go for it. 

21:36 Avoiding the buggy could have been the smart move. "Did you think the pram market was a bit...full?" Sir Alan asks Lorraine incredulously. I'd say her face fell but it really doens't have very far to go. 

21:38 Nonetheless, James's team have lost. Lucky old Lorraine survives again. She and her team are off to the National Portrait Gallery to meet Gerald Scarfe and have caricatures done. They don't look that impressed, in fact Kate looks bemused. 

Scarfe creates a sketch of Lorraine looking like a member of the Bash Street Kids. It's hardly a caricature, in fact it's incredibly lifelike. "That's your signature look," says Kate. 

Meanwhile at the misery cafe the bloodletting has begun. "A 100% of people in their needed a buggy," says Ben, the king of hindsight. Debra's suddenly forgotten how much she loved 

21:42 Sir Alan and Nick attack the choice not to opt for the buggy. James makes a good swerve though. "We could have won if people weren't distracted by the rocking horse." 

Debra's in the firing line. And as usual she's acting like a high school girl who's been told off for not doing her homework. 

21:43 Yasmina and Debra go at each other while Sir Alan looks on unimpressed. 

21:44 Sir Alan picks up that Debra could have sold a horse if she could have offered a price reduction. Why did Ben and James negotiate some wiggle room? They blankly claim they couldn't get anything out him. As usual, sneaky squirrel Sir Alan has had a work with the rocking horse makers. They would have given them a slight discount. 

21:45 Debra's getting agressive with Sir Alan. Why do they think this is a wise strategy this year? 

21:46 James is taking Ben and Debra into the boardroom. "To be honest Sir Alan, if I could, I'd take Debra in twice." 

21:47 Sir Alan: "Ben thinks a lot more of himself than he actually is." But Margaret is defending him slightly: "I have a lot more sympathy for him than I do for Debra." That might be because Debra's jutted her jaw at Margaret, Nick and Sir Alan across the weeks. 

21:48 "You shouldn't fire me Sir Alan because I've shown you I've got raw business talent." says Ben. 

"Those are just words," says Sir Alan. Ben has another go: "I'm a grafter. I'm creative." Um...Ben, those are just words again. 

He can "compete on a world class level" and yep, here it comes, "I got a scholarship to Sandhurst." Sir Alan has finally had enough: "I was the Jewish Lad's Brigade: Stamford Division, trainee bugler. That don't mean nothing." I am now picturing Sir Alan in a little Scout's uniform but with his adult sized head. Yet another nightmare to add to the Lorraine-in-a-birthing-pool image. 

"If you put Debra in the business, you'd have half the company on strike," says James. He's presenting himself as a nice guy. Sir Alan doesn't like that. "There's no room in these tough economic for a kissy, kissy Mr Nice Guy." 

21:52 Sir Alan is picking at Debra's abbrasive attitude. He points to Margaret - "Not your biggest fan." 

"I want to go from a piece of coal to the diamond that you want." says Debra. 

"Well, you're a zircon at the moment." snaps Sir Alan. I think he means a zirconia but maybe he does mean a zircon, that may actually be the alien race that Debra hails from. 

21:53 Sir Alan's into the summary: "Ben, you over hype yourself...but I see a bright light at the end of the tunnel." Isn't the light at the end of the tunnel usually a train?

"Debra - you're ruthless. Nick and Margaret aren't your greatest fans. I'm not your greatest fan at the moment."

"James - your a nice guy and we've had some fun in this boardroom but being a nice fella in the cold hard world of business might not be enough. This is tough decision for me but..." Oh no. Not James... 

It's the old bait and switch. It isn't James... it's Ben: "The light at the end of the tunnel's gone out. You're fired." Sir Alan makes the right decision for once. The producers won't be happy. 

21:55 And Ben's taking it well by...punching the sofa in reception. 

Debra's stayed in because of her "sheer bloody beligerence" but surely she's just hanging on by her talon-like fingernails. 

21:56 In the cab, Ben looks like a kid whose had his toys swiped. Maybe he actually should bugger off to Sandhurst. 

Back at the house the speculation is focused on James or Debra. Ben doesn't get a mention. 

21:57 In the cab Ben's about to cry. Awww diddums. 

21:58 One job...now six numpties remain. 

21:59 Next time, it's the TV shopping channel challenge. "The camera likes you," says Lorraine. Meanwhile, they've running away from her enmass.