amillionpieces's blog

And so it’s that time of year again, the time for another bunch of entirely vacuous preening narcissists to live together on national television while a gloating public watches the fall out and begs for more. I’ve never been the biggest fan of big brother, in fact, to be honest, I’ve never been a fan at all, I am firmly in the “don’t watch it” camp, and not even the one where people say they don’t but actually do. I actually don’t.

…apart from, that is, last night. Last night under duress I saw some of the first show where they introduce the contestants to the baying public. The gimmick this year? The house starts off all female. Apart from the entirely obvious fact that they’re doing this to see how far they can push things this year by throwing one man at a time into a house full of frustrated young women, this has highlighted to me a problem with modern society.

Don’t any young girls have aspirations anymore? Want to be teachers or writers? Lawyers or designers? Please, some one reassure me, because on the grounds of last nights show one can only think that every girl in the country wishes to be nothing but famous, forget any kind of intellect, you can be famous for being famous and show as much flesh as possible in the press. Surely there are some young women out there who have role models other than a bunch of footballers wives? Please, as a single man, tell me there are somewhere young women who actually have real live intelligent thoughts, who can read, and articulate?

Please, tell me that the cross section of the house is not a cross section of society? If it is, I think it’s the best advert for Global Warming ever, in fact, I may stop recycling and start spraying CFC’s everywhere, knowing for certain that were she alive, Emily Pankhurst would be right there with me.

So, it appears that the BBC are indeed producing a second series of the ever imaginative new adaptation of Robing Hood. The first one was really popular, however, I had my problems with it, so what better way to encourage them to up there game than rant in the BBC inbox.

Dear BBC,

For the past few months your prime Saturday evening slot has been taken over by the latest adaptation of that classic British tale that is Robin Hood, with some pouty young chap running around in Leather pants and not quite saving the day. I have to applaud the idea, it’s high time there was some good family entertainment on a Saturday evening and Robin Hood is the perfect type of story to make a series.

Now, I’ll be honest, after the first couple of episodes, I lost interest, in fact, interest is probably too strong a word for what I had, let’s go for, curiosity. However, I have caught small parts of some episodes since, and I have to say, my impressions went from bad to worse as I found out that the new Robin is nothing short of a wimp that’s afraid to kill people. Now, it’s a family show, so I know we don’t want gore, but shooting people with a long bow was just what Robin Hood did, who are we to mess with seven centuries of folklore? Robin Hood was an outlaw, and a former Crusader, at which point did we decide he’d not kill the bad guys, and as he won’t why does he have that ruddy great bow?

Also, while we’re on, Robin Hood, yeah? Supposed to be a former Crusader, so how come in the bits I have seen I have heard him quote the Qur’an, seen him defeat Saladin’s assassin squad who were trying to kill someone in England because he was a Muslim Prince and was spreading the joyous word that Allah wants peace, I’ve seen the merry men jump up and down shouting “Praise be to allah!” because the new Muslim member of their band had cared for the injured Maid Marion. It’s just silly, it’s trying to push some modern day and very out of context political message on to the viewer, instead of getting on with the business of entertaining them.

Now, I did turn on the other day to a repeat and saw a few moments of what Robin Hood should be, he was shooting soldiers left, right and centre, Little John had just announced that it was a good day to die before charging forward, and it seemed, perhaps, someone had remembered what Robin Hood was about. Alas, I was mistaken as it was then explained that Robin had stopped being good for a few moments fearing Marion was dead, and then decided to be good again once he realised Marion was ok, and went back to his new found Islamic pacifist career as a full time catalogue model for the leather pants shop.

I was going to ignore all this, surely it wasn’t worth writing a blog about, however, yesterday I heard that there is going to be a second series, and as such I have to say, when in doubt I want you all to dig deep, go to that place where you know your creativity lies, grip that long bow and think to yourself…

…What Would Errol Do? You know it makes sense, and you know he’d shoot any dumb fool unfortunate enough to step in his path. Errol Flynn’s Robin Hood was the man, beyond question, and could still be shown at family hours.

Yours in anticipation of a far better second series,


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