fiver's blog

Sunday 15 August, 7:00pm on Fiver

Award-winning hotelier Alex Polizzi comes to the aid of another struggling British guesthouse. This week’s show sees Alex visit the Sandygate Hotel in South Yorkshire. Despite showing promise, a lack of marketing savvy and sloppy pricing have left the hotel in peril. The 11-room Sandygate Hotel in Wath-upon- Dearne on the outskirts of Rotherham is owned by Elvis fanatic Dave Elliott and his wife Dyan. While Dyan tends bar and deals with the front of house, Dave is the hotel’s chef and controls the restaurant side of the business. Although the eatery turns a small profit, the overall costs of the establishment mean that the venture is losing money. With occupancy rates as low as two per cent, the Elliotts estimate that they have six months to turn the business around before going bankrupt. Dave is adamant that the restaurant he runs needs little improvement. “My food is the best you’ll find in the north of England,” he announces. As Alex arrives at the hotel, her first impression is not encouraging. She is met by an empty notice board, poor signage, shabby hanging baskets, and a reception confusingly located behind the bar. However, the rooms Alex inspects turn out to be of a fairly high quality. “I have to say, the rooms are pretty nice here,” she admits. She soon realises why nobody is using the hotel – she can find no website information, reviews or pictures of it. In fact, it seems to have no online presence whatsoever. Alex then investigates the restaurant, and is bewildered by the huge choice of dishes available. The size of the menu is echoed by the big portions. “I can feel my arteries clogging as I eat,” Alex says. Dave maintains that the quality of the food is good, and that many people like large portions. “Alex is a bit of a skinny bird. I like something I can get hold of, myself,” Dave responds. Despite agreeing that the food is delicious, Alex believes that the low prices and large portions are dramatically reducing the hotel’s profits. The next day, Dave is still feeling sensitive about Alex’s comments on the state of the hotel. “It’s like someone looking through your knicker drawer,” he says. However, over the next few weeks, Dave and Dyan start to heed Alex’s advice. They increase their online marketing presence, court businesses for extra clients, and re-evaluate their restaurant’s profit margins. Alex also gets the go-ahead to turn the couple’s disused function room into a lunchtime eatery. Before long, the couple have an established website, a new reception and a more realistic menu.

Friday 13 August, 9:00pm on Fiver

Continuing on Fiver this week is the surreal US legal drama starring Jonny Lee Miller as a lawyer with prophetic powers. In this episode, George Michael hires Eli and Jordan to represent a schoolgirl. Elsewhere, Taylor and Matt bond over a case involving a family feud between a cantankerous judge and his estranged son. Eli and Nathan are at the hospital, discussing whether Eli should actively seek the removal of his aneurism. “All we’re talking about is surgery on my brain -what’s there to be nervous about?” Eli jokes. After a slew of doctors state that they are unwilling to perform the surgery, the brothers decide to approach a world-renowned neurosurgeon. On his way out of the hospital, Eli bumps into Beth. She is reluctant to tell him why she is visiting the hospital, but agrees to join him later for a meal. Initially pleased to be out on what he considers a date, Eli is mortified to learn that Beth has been dating his brother for the past two months. More upset by Nathan’s secrecy than by the act itself, Eli confronts his brother and makes him swear to be more honest in the future. The brothers then reconcile over the news that Eli has been booked in to undergo cutting-edge brain surgery. Despite Eli’s reluctance, Nathan is sure it is the right move. “If he were any more qualified, he’d be a fictional TV character!” Nathan says of the surgeon. Will Eli be able to go through with the dangerous surgery? Elsewhere, during a meeting about upcoming trials, Eli hallucinates that Jordan is singing ‘Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me’. Halfway through the song he awakens to discover that the real George Michael is in the office. George wants Eli to represent a girl called Mollie, who played the song ‘I Want Your Sex’ during her school’s abstinence class and was subsequently expelled. George claims that he sought Eli out after having a vision in a dream. Convinced that he must take the case, Eli is then told by Jordan that a client as important as George Michael needs a senior partner to represent him.

Thursday 12 August, 11:30pm on Fiver

Fearless Finns Riku Rantala and Tunna Milonoff continue their globetrotting adventures. This week, the intrepid duo embark on a pilgrimage across northern India. Along the way, they sample special milkshakes made from the cannabis plant, experience an extreme religious ritual involving animal sacrifice and bathe in the purifying waters of the Ganges river. The latest leg of Riku and Tunna’s worldwide voyage of discovery begins in the holy city of Varanasi in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh. One of the oldest continually inhabited metropolises in the world, Varanasi is situated on the banks of the Ganges, and is known as a city of temples – and of death. Every day, funeral pyres burn up and down the river bank, as locals cremate their dead to purify them of their sins. The presence of corpses and human waste in the water makes the Ganges incredibly dirty, with E coli levels estimated to be around 340,000 times the safe limit. “But to the Hindus, the river is a mother – and how could a mother be filthy?” asks Riku. To prepare themselves for the journey ahead, the Finns enjoy a glass of bhang ki thandai – a special milkshake made from the leaves and buds of the cannabis plant. “Ah, I love India!” says Tunna as he knocks back the concoction. A few hours later, the bhang has taken effect and Riku and Tunna join the locals for a street festival in honour of Lord Shiva, involving a good deal of dancing and music. Further down the river, the pair explore another side of the Hindu religion as they meet some Aghori devotees. Feared and respected by other Hindus, these holy men live on the edge of society, devoting their lives to worship at the expense of possessions. Along with such practices as meditation, it is said that some of the more extreme Aghori take part in religious rituals involving human sacrifice and cannibalism. Holy man Lalibaba claims to be entirely vegetarian, though confirms that cannibalism is still practised by some. “Human flesh has a good taste,” he says.

Tuesday 10 August, 9:00pm on Fiver

More fast-paced action on the streets of Essex with the interceptors. In this week’s instalment, a knife-wielding man ruins New Year celebrations, and the interceptors race to capture a gang. As snow causes chaos on the roads, Grant becomes furious when he spots a child travelling without a seatbelt. This high-octane documentary series profiles the work of a police interception unit in Essex. Led by specially trained officers and equipped with the fastest vehicles in the force, the team tackles the most difficult-to-catch criminals on a daily basis. With a population of 1.3 million and a network of major motorways running through the county, Essex is a tough patch to police. The interceptor team is manned by hand-picked officers who are specially trained to handle vehicles at high speed. The teams are kitted out with the latest police vehicles in Britain, including the Mitsubishi Evo and the Subaru Impreza. These motors are capable of massive acceleration and boast a range of gadgets, including tracking devices linked to a supercomputer back at HQ. The interceptors are also aided by a fully equipped Eurocopter, which is fitted with a long-range telephoto lens that can read a number plate from seven miles away. All of this technology and expertise means that the police interceptors are cracking down on Essex crime – and the criminals rarely know what has hit them. This week, New Year’s Eve celebrations turn sour when a man threatens police officers with a knife, forcing the interceptors to go in with full riot gear. Biggers seizes a haul of mystery drugs, and the officers are involved in a chase across six lanes of traffic with the help of the Air Support Unit and some stun guns. Elsewhere this week, snow brings chaos to the roads of Essex, Grant sees red over a child without a seatbelt, and Rob’s trousers give up on him.

Tuesday 10 August, 7:30pm on Fiver

Emma Bunton rallies the nation in a thrilling search for Britain’s best new all-dancing, allsinging group. In the fourth of five live heats, six groups give show-stopping performances in a bid to wow the studio audience and the public at home. The contenders are judged and mentored by a panel comprising Anastacia, Tamzin Outhwaite, Duncan James and Charles Klapow. Former Spice Girl Emma Bunton fronts this campaign to unearth Britain’s finest undiscovered talent. ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ has scoured the country in search of singing and dancing groups to take part in a major talent competition. The groups will be choreographed, coached and judged by a panel of industry experts throughout the live elimination shows. The acts that survive the public vote will then compete in a glittering live finale. The panel of judges features multi award-winning international superstar Anastacia, who brings her unique professional and personal experience to the show. An accomplished singer, dancer and songwriter, Anastacia has sold over 20million records worldwide. Tamzin Outhwaite will be looking for stand-out singing and dancing performances from the hopefuls in her role as judge. Currently playing the lead in ‘Sweet Charity’ in the West End, Tamzin starred in a huge range of musical theatre productions before becoming a household name as Mel in ‘EastEnders’. Award-winning singer, TV presenter and West End star Duncan James has experienced all sides of the entertainment business . He has sold more than 13million records as part of pop sensation Blue, has sung with music legends Stevie Wonder and Elton John, and has recently finished a hugely successful run in hit West End musical ‘Legally Blonde’. Emmy award-winning Charles ‘Chucky’ Klapow completes the panel. Charles is best known for his award-winning choreography on the iconic ‘High School Musical’ franchise. He brings energy, experience and a demanding eye for detail to the judging process. This week, the first group gunning for glory is The Wrong Trousers, a barbershop quintet from Surrey. With an age range from 14 to 18 years old, The Wrong Trousers aim to bring the golden era of swing to a modern audience, with their own version of Oasis’s hit ‘Wonderwall’.

Sunday 8 August, 7:00pm on Fiver

Award-winning hotelier Alex Polizzi comes to the aid of another struggling British guesthouse. This week’s show sees Alex turn her attention to the Rutland Arms Hotel in Bakewell, Derbyshire. Set on the edge of the Peak District, the hotel enjoys high occupancy rates during the summer months, but poor organisation, bad reviews and an absence of visitors in the winter have pushed 68- year-old owner David to the brink of financial ruin. David, a 68-year-old former solicitor, bought the 17th-century Rutland Arms Hotel in Bakewell 12 years ago, hoping to retire on the profits. However, the reality of the situation has proved very different to David’s dream. Despite good occupancy rates during the summer, the establishment is losing some �50,000 a year thanks to an absence of visitors during winter. A lack of organisation and structure means that David spends his days cleaning, running the bar and tending to his precious collection of antique clocks. “I’m a first-class bog cleaner,” says David. Having lost nearly �750,000 in his time in charge of the place, David is fast running out of money – and patience -with the Rutland. As the hotel inspector visits the place for the first time, she is pleased with the frontage. “It looks wonderful from the outside,” she says. “You can’t see any of the problems that may lurk within.” Alex’s large, clean room is equally impressive. However, as she tours the hotel, Alex discovers that the level of housekeeping is inconsistent. Other rooms have not been cleaned, the reception area is messy and full of disparate objects and the signage is shoddy and confusing. On the plus side, the breakfast is good, though the service is somewhat lacklustre. After a day spent in the hotel, Alex is ready to deliver her verdict to David. The main areas she wants to address are the shoddy housekeeping, the dismal off-season occupancy rates and the messy reception. Most importantly, however, is the absence of any real leadership, which has led to bad training and a low morale amongst the staff. “As charming as you are, you’re not very competent,” says Alex. For his part, David seems to agree with everything the hotel inspector says. “Hopefully, with Alex putting her foot up my bottom, we’ll be able to achieve good standards,” he says. “She really is a formidable person – I’m looking forward to working with her.”

Friday 6 August, 9:00pm on Fiver

Praying for Time (Series 1: 8/13) Continuing on Fiver this week is the surreal US legal drama starring Jonny Lee Miller as a lawyer with prophetic powers. In this episode, Eli clashes with Patti when he represents a property developer who wants to tear down Patti’s old neighbourhood. ADA Sweren is accused of malpractice in relation to the Jayson Turk trial. Eli is preparing for his first case since Jordan begrudgingly welcomed him back to the fold, when an earthquake strikes his apartment. He flees outside, only to discover that no one else has noticed the tremors. From past experience, the lawyer suspects that the vision might be related to his latest case, representing property developer Arvin Salinsky. The developer is seeking to raze the neglected Silver Terrace estate to the ground and build luxury flats on the land. The current residents are suing Salinsky because the changes will price them out of the area and force them to leave their homes. Patti, who grew up in Silver Terrace, is furious with Eli for helping Salinsky. “He’s just a developer,” Eli shrugs when she gives him the cold shoulder. “He’s developing my friends and family straight out of their homes,” Patti reminds her boss, icily. After another bizarre earthquake experience, Eli seeks Chen’s advice. With the therapist’s help, he is able to relive the earthquake that hit his apartment. However, this time Eli glances over at the television, which is playing a report about a serious earthquake hitting Silver Terrace. Eli realises that he must win the case and get the residents evicted in order to save their lives. At his first meeting with Salinsky, Eli urges him to offer the Silver Terrace residents a $20million settlement on the condition that they leave their homes immediately. However, Eli’s handling of the case riles Taylor. “Don’t you know it’s malpractice to shove a settlement down your client’s throat?” she chides him, prompting Eli to confess to his belief that an earthquake will strike the housing estate.

Thursday 5 August, 11:30pm on Fiver

This offbeat travel series follows the globetrotting exploits of fearless Finns Riku Rantala and Tunna Milonoff. Carrying all their own equipment, Riku and Tunna venture into the unknown to explore some of the world’s strangest corners. This week, the pair embark on a journey of discovery in south-east Asia, where they eat a still-beating snake’s heart, fire machine guns and bazookas and search for an indigenous headhunting tribe. In preparation for the various trials that await them on their travels in south-east Asia, Riku and Tunna head to Ho Chi Minh city in Vietnam for a special pick-me-up. “What I’m really in the mood for on a night like this is cobra blood – straight from the severed neck of a slaughtered snake,” announces Riku. Happy to oblige, a local market trader snips off the head of a snake, drains its blood and then places its still-beating heart into a glass of water. Riku and Tunna both knock back the bizarre cocktail. Half an hour later, the headless body of the snake is still twitching. “That’s one vigorous piece of fauna,” observes Riku. From Vietnam, the Finns head to Phnom Penh in Cambodia. After years of oppression, cruelty and genocide under the Khmer Rouge regime led by Pol Pot, Cambodia has a largely young population that lives in poverty. One of the few things in which the country appears to be rich is guns, and there are many people willing to sell all kinds of military hardware to any foreigner who flashes the cash. In order to see just how easy it is to purchase a weapon, Riku goes undercover at an army base, where it is reported that guns can be bought. He comes out with a machine gun and a bazooka. The pair’s guide takes them to an area of undergrowth where they can fire their newly acquired weapons. The guide even offers Riku the chance to blow up a live cow for an additional $300. “Real men don’t shoot cows with bazookas,” says Riku. “That’s overkill.” Having played with guns for a while, Tunna and Riku visit the notorious Tuol Sleng prison, where some 17,000 people were tortured before being sent to the killing fields under the Khmer Rouge. Of all the people who passed through the walls of the prison, often known as S-21, only 12 survived.

Thursday 5 August, 9:00pm on Fiver

Light-hearted US drama series about a spyturned- private detective. This week, Michael Westen and the gang help a man who was conned out of the money he needs to pay for his sick child’s life-saving treatment. Carla denies all knowledge of the attempt on Westen’s life. Having just recovered from a frantic car chase, ever-alert Westen spots a suicidal man on the verge of walking into the oncoming traffic. Westen impulsively grabs the emotional man before he is injured. The man, Kenny, tells Westen that he was trying to kill himself to get an insurance payout for his sick six-year-old son, who has a serious heart condition that can only be treated at one expensive clinic. However, Kenny can no longer afford the $250,000 treatment fee because a group of con artists tricked him out of his savings. Kenny tells Westen how he met a woman in a pharmacy who put him in contact with the doctor who cured her son’s condition. “It looked like it was working – until the doctor vanished,” Kenny says. “It turned out to be pep pills mixed with painkillers, and it made Jack worse.” Despite his special ops training, Westen finds it difficult to hide his emotions from Kenny. “I will get you your money back – by any means necessary,” he assures his newest client. When Westen breaks the news of his latest venture to Sam, his buddy is less than impressed. “It’s irresponsible – you’re raising this guy’s hopes,” Sam insists. “Not to mention that you’ve got guys trying to kill you.” However, Sam soon comes round to the idea, and Westen sends him to flash his cash in a local clinic in order to attract the con artists. Fiona steps in to publicly offer him some black market medicines, which draws out one of the scammer’s heavies, Todd.

Thursday 5 August, 9:00pm on Fiver

Light-hearted US drama series about a spyturned- private detective. This week, Michael Westen and the gang help a man who was conned out of the money he needs to pay for his sick child’s life-saving treatment. Carla denies all knowledge of the attempt on Westen’s life. Having just recovered from a frantic car chase, ever-alert Westen spots a suicidal man on the verge of walking into the oncoming traffic. Westen impulsively grabs the emotional man before he is injured. The man, Kenny, tells Westen that he was trying to kill himself to get an insurance payout for his sick six-year-old son, who has a serious heart condition that can only be treated at one expensive clinic. However, Kenny can no longer afford the $250,000 treatment fee because a group of con artists tricked him out of his savings. Kenny tells Westen how he met a woman in a pharmacy who put him in contact with the doctor who cured her son’s condition. “It looked like it was working – until the doctor vanished,” Kenny says. “It turned out to be pep pills mixed with painkillers, and it made Jack worse.” Despite his special ops training, Westen finds it difficult to hide his emotions from Kenny. “I will get you your money back – by any means necessary,” he assures his newest client. When Westen breaks the news of his latest venture to Sam, his buddy is less than impressed. “It’s irresponsible – you’re raising this guy’s hopes,” Sam insists. “Not to mention that you’ve got guys trying to kill you.” However, Sam soon comes round to the idea, and Westen sends him to flash his cash in a local clinic in order to attract the con artists. Fiona steps in to publicly offer him some black market medicines, which draws out one of the scammer’s heavies, Todd.