Throng

Friday, September 4 on 4

It's the grand finale of Big Brother 10 , and tonight one housemate will pocket £100,000 as the public crowns the king or queen of the tenth series. Over 93 days, the occupants of Britain's most famous house have unicycled, cake-binged, bagpiped, bog-snorkled and back-stabbed their way through a variety of testing tasks and nervous nominations in the name of entertainment. But while they've all forged new friendships and learnt a lot about themselves, only one housemate can take the coveted title of Big Brother winner.

So, today’s is the final of BB, and hasn’t it come around fast?! It doesn’t seem like more than a couple of weeks since housemates took their first steps into the Big Brother house. In fact, some of the early housemates have already faded from memory, until the memory of them is jogged...

Remember Bienazir who was the first to be evicted? And Cairon who said “innit” and spoke as though he was from the ghettos of New York? Then there was the hideously annoying Sophia and her arch enemy Saffia who very stupidly walked because Kris was flirting with Sophie? I bet she’s been wishing ever since that she had a third leg so she could more comfortably kick herself up the backside…

Oh Grow Up Charlie!!

That's exactly my opinion of Charlie too...

I’m gutted that BB is coming to an end because episodes like last night’s highlights make it the pleasure to watch that is, most of the time. And one thing that it did was show me that I’ve been right about Charlie all the way along. He’s childish, he’s selfish, he’s rather pathetic and his Mr Nice Guy routine wears thin when things don’t go his way.

We saw that the housemates were given the Beyonce task and Charlie, in a fit of supreme childishness, didn’t want to be the stylist. As with many things that don’t go his way, he was “really, really upset by it” and he was even more upset when Rodrigo couldn’t stop laughing at him. “Don’t laugh at us ‘cos I’m really upset actually” he said as he minced off in a paddy.

Wednesday, September 2 on E4

With the countdown to the Big Brother final well underway, one housemate's journey comes to its conclusion as Davina McCall hosts this special eviction. In the second of two shows direct from the Big Brother house, one housemate emerges to be quizzed by Davina and a panel of celebrities and Big Brother experts. Exec Prod: Sharon Powers; Live Series Prod: Denis O'Connor; Prod Co: Brighter Pictures (an Endemol company)

And Then There Were Five...

Before leaving, Lisa invented a new game - Cigarette Darts

Well, in last night’s highlights, before Lisa was evicted, we learned a few things… first, Sophie can’t do accents, at all, and second, Siavash is something of a drama queen.

As regular readers will know, I really like Siavash – and I fancy him as well, but that’s by the by – but his stomping off to beat his pillow up when BB showed the Day 50 highlights episode was all a bit too theatrical. He laboured the point a bit too much and as he’s well aware, the damage is now done, so there was no point in flouncing around beating himself up over it.

That Were Good Wern It Dave?

When words fail, use sign language...

Last night’s highlights show was one of the best this series, primarily because it brought out the true bitchiness in Lisa. For once, she couldn’t hide her truly ugly side and seeing others nominating her – despite the fact she’s nominated two people every week – really set her off.

It was a stroke of genius to play old nominations footage into the house and only Lisa was remotely bothered by it. Everyone else laughed and took it for what it was – a game. But Lisa got all hot under the collar about it and had digs at various housemates all day.

As well you know, Channel 4 is getting rid of Big Brother (more on that here). At the moment, Sky One and ITV look favourites to land the show which, for those that hate the programme, is invariably bad news.

However, for fans of Channel 4, this is good news. The loss of Big Brother apparently frees up over £50million for the broadcaster and, more importantly (for a viewer at least) frees up hours and hours of broadcasting time for other shows.

So what should Channel 4 do with all that time and money?

The Irrepressible Dark Horse is in fact… Pressible

Marcus tries to locate his brain

So, Marcus left, much to his own surprise. Siavash stayed and the housemates, it would seem, learn slower than baboons...

We saw the remaining six housemates taking part in the Task With No Name and taking hours to figure out that the Fail-Pass O’Meter only went up when someone left the task room and went back down to fail when they came back in.

Once they’d eventually figured it out, some years later, they passed and were rewarded with a Chinese takeaway and booze, oh, and an extra £10k on the prize money that everyone reckons they just so don’t care about… yeah, right.

This Is Big Brother - Marcus, You Are A Tool...

Charlie demonstrates how to mount a dark horse

It’s Friday, it’s eviction day and, I hope, it’s Marcus’s last day in the house. In last night’s show, we heard him ranting on in the diary room about how fake everyone else is, how boring everyone else is and all delivered with his usual sitting in the chair stance while looking at the wall, not the camera.

I honestly believe his time’s up and far from everyone else being boring, he’s the dictionary definition of the word! When he’s not wan*ing, he’s under his duvet in the corner or whining or bitching, mostly about Siavash who’s way cooler than Marcus will ever be. He put the top hat on my growing dislike of him when he moaned that the guitar he was given was “shi*”.

After last night’s show, I couldn’t help but feel that both David and Lisa must have led exceptionally dull lives because they went on and on and on a bit more about how being dressed in alien costumes and going around London getting their picture taken was the best day of their lives… How sad.

They are of course both prone to being totally OTT about everything but really, was it that great being let out of the BB house that they needed to have a verbal orgasm about it, over and over again? Mind you, it was funny listening to them trying to speak to each other on the bus because neither could hear what the other was saying. That made me titter.

Channel 4 has confirmed that it will axe Big Brother. Hardly surprisingly really, seeing as the show had become the TV equivalent of waiting for midnight bus with your batteries running out on your walkman.

The show has been shuffling around and bumping into things for a decade and next years show, a Celebrity BB, will be the last. It feels like someone putting down a sick old dog doesn't it? There's been some good times, some bad... but now, it's mainly an exercise in cleaning up the turds off the stairs.

Channel 4 has announced that it is not renewing Big Brother producer Endemol's deal for the reality show at its autumn programming launch this morning. For those who loathe the show, don't breathe easy yet as I wouldn't be surprised if another station goes after it (I'm looking at you ITV and Five).

Big Biggie news! Bigger Than An Elephant’s Donger!

Before we get into a recap of last night’s highlights show, on BB’s website this morning, there’s official confirmation that Channel 4 will no longer host BB after next year. Here’s what the statement says…

'Channel 4 has announced today that it will not be renewing its rights deal for Big Brother when its contract with programme maker Endemol ends in 2010. This means that next year's series of Big Brother and Celebrity Big Brother will be the last on Channel 4.

Gagging Orders

I felt so sorry for the housemates when they had to do that Terrible Toothpaste task… I can’t be doing with the sight of people gagging and I can only ever watch Bushtucker Food Trials on I’m A Celebrity from behind my cushion, but I have to admit, it was funny. Siavash in particular was hilarious as he squealed like a girl while brushing his teeth with shrimp paste.

It was grim to watch, but David was a real trouper over it. Despite heaving – loudly; David does everything loudly – he boldly brushed his pearly whites with a frenzy, bless him. I’m really quite liking David at the moment, but I wouldn’t want him to win. Even though he’s been there for six weeks, he still feels like the new boy and new boys shouldn’t win, just because they haven’t done the full stint.

Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!

Bea felt a right tit...

Well, Bea’s not dead, just evicted, but I’m glad she’s gone. Davina gave her a bit of a grilling during the interview though didn’t she?

However, back with the housemates, none of them seemed sorry to see the back of her. I didn’t see anyone in tears over her departure anyway. Mind you, Lisa might miss her because who else is she going to get to pluck her boobs? Spew.

David, however, looking like something out of Dad’s Army, was just chuffed that he’d stayed, bless.

David demonstrates what to do if face to face with the enemy...

Marcus is no mummy's boy...

Lisa does a pretty decent Marcus impression

How horrible was Marcus about his mother in last night’s highlights show?? He called her a “miserable old mingebag” and a “lazy ba*tard”! If I was her, I suspect I’d blast his head off when he gets out.

I’d love to know what’s going on there… Marcus doesn’t talk about his family much does he, but I got the impression he was orphaned or something? And I wonder why his mother didn’t do his message from home? Oooooooo, the intrigue.