Throng

As I'm about to be nasty to James Corden in this article, I thought it a good idea to stick a picture up of him with one of his many awards to show me who the real idiot is.

So.

Idiot tub-jape James Corden is to front a show that's They Think It's All Over, only repackaged and tarted up with different guests and on a different channel. Yep, Sky1/HD has announced details of its 'brand new comedy panel show' A League Of Their Own.

Team captains are Jamie Redknapp and Freddie Flintoff and regular guests are Sky Sports News Georgie Thompson and comic John Bishop.

Dragons’ Den’s Duncan Bannatyne and Peter Jones will be squaring up and donning their dancing shoes for a Strictly Come Dancing special.

In this Sport Relief special the tables are turned on these business brains who are more used to making or breaking budding entrepreneurs’ dreams than being judged themselves.

Ditching their stuffy suits for sparkly sequins how will Duncan Bannatyne and Peter Jones, paired up with professional dancers Natalie Lowe and Lilia Kopylova, fare in front of judges; Bruno Tonioli, Craig Revel Horwood and Len Goodman?

The show will be hosted, as ever, by Tess Daly.

To find out which of the Dragons was crowned king of the dance floor, tune into Sport Relief on Friday 19th March on BBC One.

ITV today announced the commission of a brand new drama called Kidnap and Ransom.

Sadly, this doesn't mean we're following the japes of two people with funny surnames that go together. No, this is about people getting snatched and auctioned and it'll be all very serious indeed.

The series will star one of the UK’s leading screen actors, Trevor Eve (Waking the Dead, Framed) as international hostage negotiator, Dominic King. The primetime thriller is the first drama to come out of Eve’s production company, Projector Pictures, whilst in partnership with talkbackTHAMES.

I know that kind of thing is boring but PR companies like you to include it.

Before I even start... the image above should in no way suggest that Dinner with Portillo (BBC Four) is a forum which allows the former Tory MP the chance to eat children. It's an image from another show. Get over it.

So, what is Dinner with Portillo?

Well, the official line is this - Michael Portillo gets a bunch of people to yap about some hotly debated topic or other around a dinner table. That's it.

It sounds terrible doesn't it?

Silly ol' Peter Andre. The walking pec factory has bitten off more than he can chew.

Yep, he's conducting his private business in public, mainly because, the woman he met on a reality TV show does the same.

Yessir, pouting permatan hate-glo Katie Price likes just about every aspect of her life to make it on to some kind of film or page. We've seen her wedding... we've even seen her doing the dirty sex with a toe up her. The only thing unticked is seeing her curling one out in the pan.

However, the boob peddler is used to this kind of thing and is physically unable to show expressions on her ice-cold surgery sculted chops. The chance of her weeping on television is about as remote as her being able to give a convincing smile.

The BBC today announced the first celebrity names lining up to trip the light fantastic for this year's Let's Dance For Sport Relief.

Katy Brand, Rufus Hound and Shappi Khorsandi represent the world of comedy, alongside some of the nations favourite Grumpy Old Women, Jenny Eclair, Linda Robson, Lesley Joseph and Susie Blake.

Also taking to the dance floor will be sporting greats such as footballers Peter Shilton and Rodney Marsh and snooker legends Willie Thorne and Dennis Taylor.

This year's contestants will be judged by an all-new and exciting panel that sees the judging line-up change for all four shows.

Thanks to the BBC being paid for by us, many people foolishly think that Auntie should only spend about 10p on their programmes. These idiots completely fail to remember that the Beeb's spending of money makes their broadcasts so brilliant to watch.

Now, a Beeb executive, Roger Mosey, has hit back at suggestions from the National Audit Office regarding the expenditure on the broadcaster's Euro 2008 studios.

Mosey, who is in charge of the corporation's 2012 Olympic coverage, attempted to refute the criticisms on his BBC blog.

"We believe in being at the heart of host cities, and our audiences have come to expect 'landmark' shots like the Eiffel Tower in World Cup 1998 and the Brandenburg Gate in 2006."

Last week the Reduced Shakespeare Company performed ‘Lost Reduced’ in London.

You'd be forgiven for thinking it ('it', being the most convoluted show in televisual history) couldn't be done, but the Reduced Shakespeare Company managed to condense 5 seasons of Lost into 10 minutes, exclusively for Sky1 HD.

The result is the hilarious Lost Reduced, a must for any Lost fans!

We have the full ten minute show available here, to watch, with your eyeballs. So what are you waiting for? All these words here are merely filler so that the formatting of the page doesn't get wrecked and all that junk.

Honestly. There's nothing being said here at all. You might as well try and work out how Lost is going to end. Oh. I see.

Lost the final season starts on Sky1 on 5th February at 9pm.

As we all know, Jonathan Ross is leaving the BBC in July.

We all know about that phonecall he inadvisedly made and we all know about the times he's made dodgy comments about people whilst interviewing them. We know it all because the press have been obsessed with it, rather than focusing on the fact that most people either didn't give a frig or, they were annoyed by him years ago.

He was also on a big wage wasn't he? Jeez, we could all write his biography for him couldn't we?

Anyway, now, Wossy looks like he could be going back to Channel 4.

Ricky Gervais. There's no questioning his impact on the world of comedy is there? Even if you want to punch his head like a pillow in an anger management group, you still have to concede that his TV shows have been great.

However, since Extras finished up, Gervais has clearly had more time on his hands.

Sure, he's been doing his books and so-so films, but it's obvious that he's been sat around bored, flicking idly through the TV channels and screwing his fangy little gob up at Twitter.

His latest target is comedy panel shows.

Yep, Gervais is moaning that they have no longevity. Speaking to The Sun he ruled out an appearance on QI and 8 Out Of 10 Cats.

As you know, Channel 4 has axed Big Brother. This summer, it'll limp away... probably to Sky 1 or ITV.

The tricky task of replacing it has been decided by Channel 4, with a show so dull in outlook that both of my eyes have turned to glass, fallen out of my head and rolled clean across the floor, leaving me typing blind.

That's my excuse for the constant spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.

Of course, Big Brother was our chance to peer into a house in London and watch people as they get about their business. Now, we're getting an observational show about the lives of people living in houses in London.

Creative overhaul my ass.

Sometimes, you see something in the listings and the basic premise of the show defies belief. These programmes are, by and large, found on BBC Three.

We've had the not-right's of Freaky Eaters, people being told they look like slags by a robot on Snog Marry Avoid, the nighthmarish vision of melting commerce in Spendaholics and the brain-frazzling Sex With Mum and Dad.

Now, trumping the lot is Hotter than my Daughter.

Former Atomic Kitten and Masterchef winner Liz McClarnon hosts the show which looks at the relationships between mother and daughter. Or rather, the relationships between two people when one of those people make you do some sick in your pants.

Channel 4 have nearly made an announcement. Nearly.

You see, they've told me about a new show but chosen to be rather vague with the details. Of course, being a nosey git, I'm rather interested to find out more about it and, as such, I'm perfectly aware that this initial contact has complete worked on me and my current advertising of their venture.

Basically, there's a new show about to hit our screens. It's got the working title of The Drop.

What is it? Well, what I can tell you is that this mysterious show will be broadcast live from a secure secret location and is a brand new game show.

The week long television event, set to launch in 2010, is a big money game show with extraordinary jeopardy.