Throng

11.8 million viewers tuned in to watch last weeks launch episode of the new series of Britain’s Got Talent. And in the last 7 days Susan Boyle alone has become a world wide phenomenon with over 20 million hits on You Tube and rising.

Who can impress the Judges this week as they travel to Cardiff and Birmingham? With the show open to any performer, of any age and background with any talent, all the acts have just one dream in common, they are all desperate to perform in front of Her Majesty the Queen at this year’s Royal Variety Performance, but first they need to get past the Judges, Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden and Piers Morgan, and the dreaded buzzers. With Ant and Dec waiting in the wings, to congratulate the successful and console those who fail to impress the 2009 series has firmly kicked off.

The auditions start in Cardiff

An act threatens to “bite” Simon

First up to impress the Judges in Cardiff, and try to secure themselves £100,000 and a slot on the Royal Variety Performance, is The Singing Souls (Louise, Tasha and Hannah), 3 students and lifelong friends from Wiltshire.  They think they have what it takes to be better than the Spice Girls, Pussycat Dolls and Sugababes

“We’re going to show those Judges what it takes to be better than the Pussycat Dolls and Sugababes” says The Singing Souls.  “We’re all very powerful singers when we want to be”, “We are going to show the Judges what it takes to win this competition” state the girls.

Look out Judges – the Singing Souls are on their way to ‘Spice Up Your Lives’

Simon Cowell immediately makes a faux pas when they arrive on stage as he thinks they’re called ‘The Singing Trolls’ causing Hannah, the lead singer of the group to threaten “Don’t make me come down there Simon”.  The girls start singing Taking Over Me by Everessence, but the Judges are all quick to buzz in, much to the shock of the girls, and Hannah doesn’t take it lying down….

Simon – “Girls, can I be honest with you? It’s one of the worst groups I’ve ever heard in my life”

Hannah – “You want to come up here and sing Simon? Because I’d like to see you face that lot.”

Simon – “Look girls. Here’s the deal. You sing, and I’ll judge. That’s the way it goes.”

Hannah – “You sing, and I’ll judge you.”

(offstage Ant – Alright Judge Judy)

Hannah – “Cos trust me, I can be just be as bad as you lot.”

Amanda – “You are grounded”

Hannah – “Bite Me!”

Simon – “girls, you sounded like 3 cats being dragged up the motorway, it was just awful. And to compare yourself with The Spice Girls, it’s just crazy.”

Hannah – “Yeah, but the Spice Girls can’t sing anyway2

Which leaves Simon speechless, which doesn’t happen very often!

(offstage: Ant  - she’s got an attitude, attitude on her!)

With an attitude like that is it a surprise when the Judges reveal they won’t be going any further in the competition?!

The auditions move on to Birmingham

May The Force Be With You….

Next up is someone who feels they have the style and charisma to go all the way to The Royal Variety, it’s Britain’s Got Talent’s own version of Top Gears’ the Stig, it’s Darth Jackson, aka “Phillip”, a 37 year old Royal Mail employee.

“Darth Jackson” has arrived at the auditions in a full Darth Vader costume, complete with light saber and full head mask (which he never removes throughout the day….!)

“Darth Jackson” has devised a special act based on his favourite movie character and singing star.

“I think Darth Vadar is the greatest cinema baddie ever! He’s just the epitome of cool”, describing his act he says “Its outstanding, it’s exciting, it’s highly entertaining”

He tells Ant & Dec, “I’m going to go on that stage and use my raw talent to blow the minds off everyone…..the force will be strong” he storms onto stage in full costume.

The Star Wars theme begins as he starts his act by turning on his voice effect box and striking up his light sabre. And then suddenly during his performance he tells Ant & Dec to change the track to Billie Jean by Michael Jackson - Darth Jackson comes alive on stage – who knew he could moonwalk?! Not many people judging by the look on Simon’s face….But the audience, Piers and Amanda seem to love it.

Will the force be enough to carry him through to the next round?

The New Kenny G?

Next up in Birmingham is 39 yr old Julian Smith, “Playing Saxophone is my life, I’ve been playing this for 20 years and to just purely play it for a living would be the ultimate dream”

“I’m married and I have two daughters, I know I’m not getting any younger and I want to make life better for them , I’m hoping today could change everything for me, I want it more than anything” says Julian

Julian walks on stage and Piers starts talking to him, My dream is to play to audiences like this on a regular basis he tells Piers

Julian starts playing Somewhere Somehow from West Side Story on his Saxophone, he stuns the audience, Judges and Ant & Dec….reducing Amanda to tears.

It’s smiles all round but is it enough to see him through to the next round?

Say it again Harry?

43 year old ex bus driver Louise Moores is next up with her 2 ½ yr old African Grey Parrot called Harry

Louise introduces herself and her Parrot to viewers, “I’m 43 today and this is Harry, he performs and dances”

“He’s the best friend that I’ve ever had, he means such a lot to me, he’s one of the most talkative birds, you can have an actual conversation with an African Grey” says Louise before she heads on stage

On stage, Louise introduces Harry as ‘Happy Harry’ to everyone.  Simon asks if she had him as an egg, “I don’t think so sweetie” says a confused Louise thinking Simon meant she actually gave birth herself to Harry as an egg! The audience laugh.

Susan promises the Judges that Harry will sing along with her. But as Take on Me by A-Ha starts playing  will Harry the Parrot perform like Morten Harket, or will Susan be left singing all alone to a bemused looking bird and audience…?

Mama Trish Has Arrived …..And She’s Camper Than Simon!!

One act that wants that big break after 26 years of performing on the pub and club circuit is 48 yr old Entertainer, Peter Coghlan, from Stafford

“Today is a massive thing for me, I’ve done working men’s clubs al my life so I’ve done my apprenticeship” smiles Peter

“I’m not just doing it for myself, I’m doing it for my family, I’ve been married for 21 years with two little boys, I’m a family man, this is a big thing for me”

Peter walks on stage (covered in a large fur coat) and informs the audience and Simon that his name is Peter but his stage name is Mama Trish.

Simon asks what he does for living, “I’m a self employed Entertainer, I’ve been a Drag Queen for 26 years”

“Are you married?” asks Simon, the audience laugh expecting the answer to be no – Peter laughs and looks directly at Simon and says “we can all be camp Simon!”

“Touché” laughs Ant in the wings

Simon laughs

“I’ve known my wife 36 years and been married 21 years” says Peter

Holly Vallance’s Kiss Kiss starts and suddenly Peter opens his fur coat to reveal Mama Trish’s outfit underneath the coat, and proceeds to belly dance whilst his large jelly like belly wobbles away. The Judges look stunned, but not as stunned as when Mama Trish sticks her finger in her bellybutton and then licks her finger…. A true sight to behold.

Is Mama Trish sailing through to the next round, or has she disgusted the Judges too much with her finger sucking antics!?

The auditions return to Cardiff…..

Making Cardiff And His Mum Proud?

We next meet a little boy with a huge dream

“I’m Shaheen, I turned 12 yrs old last week and I live in Swansea with my mum and cat”

Shaheen is here with his single mum Karen who is his biggest fan and both hope the song he’s prepared today will blow the Judges away

“I’m singing Valerie by Amy Winehouse, as it’s one of my favourite songs to sing, I sing it at family occasions, and my Grandad really loves it”

Shaheen chats to Ant & Dec and then walks on stage, can this little boy make his and his mums dreams come true?

He starts singing Valerie by Amy Winehouse but halfway through Simon stops him despite the audience obviously enjoying his performance.

“You got this really wrong” says Simon

“What do you sing apart from that?” asks Simon

“I can also sing Who’s Loving You by Michael Jackson” says a nervous Shaheen, “Do you wanna give that a go?” asks Simon

Shaheen starts singing his second song – the audience immediately stand up with applause, Simon has the biggest grin on his face much to Ant & Dec’s amusement who are standing at the side of the stage

But is making Simon grin from ear to ear and a standing ovation from the Cardiff audience enough to take Shaheen to next round?