Throng

Hey there BGT fans! Welcome to our live blog of show two of the new series of Britain's Got Talent. Last week the opening show attracted 11.8 million viewers. Since the launch show, auditionee Susan Boyle has become a worldwide phenomenon, with over 22 million hits on YouTube.

Anyway, let's see what gems and junk of auditions we'll get tonight.

Heeere we go...

The auitions start off in Cardiff tonight, and first off to impress Simon, Amanda and Piers is a group: The Singing Souls. Three students, Louise, Tasha and Hannah, are friends from Wiltshire. They think they have the talent to be better than other girl groups.

“We’re going to show those judges what it takes to be better than the Pussycat Dolls and Sugababes” they say.

That's quite a claim, so let's see what they can do.

Yikes, Simon has called them The Singing Trolls. Lead singer Hannah isn't happy and she's threatened Simon. “Don’t make me come down there Simon!” They've started singing Taking Over Me by Everessence.

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

BUZZ.

Nope, they were no good. The girls are not happy though.

Simon says: “It’s one of the worst groups I’ve ever heard in my life.”

Hannah has told Simon to go up on the stage and sing, something you see a lot when someone rubbish gets rejected. They don't know how to take it, and think it's clever to ask Simon to sing. It's not. He's a judge and A&R exec, as any fool know.

Hannah has told the judges: “Bite Me!”

Oh give it up lass, you're doing yourself no favours.

Obviously, they're not through.

The auditions are now in Birmingham.

Next to try and impress the judges is Darth Jackson - aka Phillip - a 37-year-old Royal Mail employee.

Darth Jackson has arrived at the auditions in a full Darth Vader costume - as one would expect with that name - complete with light saber and full head mask, which apparently he never removes throughout the day. Wouldn't that be sweaty and give you a rash?

Darth's act is based on his favourite movie character and singing star.

“I think Darth Vader is the greatest cinema baddie ever! He’s just the epitome of cool.”

He tells Ant and Dec: “I’m going to go on that stage and use my raw talent to blow the minds off everyone.”

He's on stage in full costume.

The Star Wars theme begins as he starts his act by turning on his voice effect box and striking up his light sabre. Oh this is frightening. No, not frightening, dull.

He's told Ant and Dec to change the track. It's Billie Jean by Michael Jackson. Oh look, he's now moonwalking. Heh. Yeah. Meh,

Some people are easily pleased I think.

Simon didn't like it. Piers did, surprisingly. Amanda liked it, and two beats one,  so he's through.

Pah, what tosh.

After that, Simon is in a horrid mood.

Now we have 39-year-old Julian Smith,who has been playing the saxophone for 20 years.

“I’m married and I have two daughters, I know I’m not getting any younger and I want to make life better for them , I’m hoping today could change everything for me, I want it more than anything.” says Julian.

Julian starts playing Somewhere Somehow from West Side Story on his sax. The audience are silenced, as he's rather good. Amanda's tears switch has been activated, and she's crying. I think he's even getting through to Simon.

A great big finish from Julian, and the audience are on their feet. Amanda is still emotional. Pull yerself together, lass.

Piers has been "blown away by it" and Simon thinks Julian is a huge talent who needs a break in his career. He likes his choice of tune, and thinks there could be something "special" about him.

HE'S THROUGH! And the tears flow, even from my stone cold heart. He is a lovely guy. This is stuff inspirational movies are made of.

Next up is 43-year-old ex bus driver Louise Moores with her 2 ½ yr old African Grey Parrot called Harry.

“I’m 43 today, and this is Harry. He does a performance of singing and dancing.”

“He’s the best friend that I’ve ever had, he means such a lot to me. He’s one of the most talkative birds, you can have an actual conversation with an African Grey,” says Louise. I'd like to try and have a conversation with him.

On stage, Louise introduces "Happy Harry" to the audience. Simon asks if she has had Harry since he was an egg.

Louise says that Harry will copy her singing. The music has started, and they're playing Take on Me by A-Ha.

She's started singing before the singing is supposed to begin. The bird ain't doing owt. It's painful. The audience are shouting OFF OFF OFF.

The pressure might have been too much for Harry?

They're off home.

More rubbish animal acts follow.

Now we have 48-year-old Peter Coghlan, from Stafford.

He's been performing in working men’s clubs all his life, and now he wants to move onto bigger things.

“I’m not just doing it for myself, I’m doing it for my family. I’ve been married for 21 years with two little boys, I’m a family man, this is a big thing for me.”

Peter walks onto the stage dressed in a large fur coat. He says his stage name is Mama Trish. Oookay.

Simon asks Peter what he does for living, and Peter tells him that he's a self employed entertainer, who has been doing his drag queen act for 26 years.

Simon asks Peter if he's married, and Peter responds to Simon saying: “we can all be camp Simon!”

“Touché!” laughs Ant in the wings, and Simon takes it in good sport.

Peter has known his wife for 36 years and they have been married for 21 years.

Holly Vallance’s Kiss Kiss starts playing, Peter opens his fur coat, revealing his Mama Trish gettup. He's bellydancing, and with a wobbly gut like his, it is rather hypnotic. GROSS, but hypnotic. He's sticking his finger into his bellybutton and licking his finger. NO PETER/MAMA TRISH/WHATEVER. Eugh. This is vile. I just ate bacon for goodness sake.

Simon thinks it was the "lowest form of entertainment" he has ever seen.

Amanda says she would like to see more of it. Oh no. Piers kind of likes him too.

Nooo, he's through. GAH.

Back in Cardiff now, and we have little Shaheen. "I turned 12 years old last week and I live in Swansea with my mum and cat.” Aww.

Shaheen is here with his single mum - and biggest fan - Karen.

He's singing Valerie by Amy Winehouse.

"It’s one of my favourite songs to sing. I sing it at family occasions, and my Grandad really loves it.” Aww bless his face. He'll be melting the hearts of mothers watching this.

Shaheen is on stage and singing. The audience like him, but Simon has stopped him.

He's asked Shaheen what else he can sing.

He's going to try Who’s Loving You by Michael Jackson.

Simon stopping him has made Shaheen a bit nervous I think.

Shaheen is now singing Who's Loving You, and the audience are stood up cheering. Simon's enjoying it, and Amanda and Piers look happy too. BLOODY HELL, he's great. Awww he reminds me of a little Jimmy Osmond or a little Michael Jackson.

Simon thinks this may be the start of something special for Shaheen. Amanda has goosebumps.

He's bound to get through right? Of course he is!

YES from all the judges. He seems like a nice little boy too.

Well what a lovely way to end the show tonight. See you next week, everyone.

Hell's Kitchen is on next. Marco Pierre White will probably shout or something.

Goodnight all.