I think the misunderstanding in this subject is what you mentioned: the wife working outside the home then coming home to do a second job and serve her husband, No! A surrendered wife idea works only, I think, when she is fully financially supported by hubby.

We have just started a free UK online group. If anyone is interested in joining please contact kerenwilde@btinternet.com and I will give you details.

Actually everyone should read the book "The Surrendered Wife" which does not take things to the extreme that sadly I saw on the programme. Whatever learning course these people have been doing it is an extreme version. The whole point is not deference or letting your husband make decisions - it is about women not over masculizing themselves to the point where their husbands are emasculated. When a woman takes on too much responsibility in the house, she becomes a nagger and he just shrinks away. Let him arrange things (and see the consequences when he doesn't)- let him not have any clean clothes until he takes some responsbility too to deal with them. yes it will be tough at first and standards will drop until he realsies the benefit of it being done! . That is the message which I got out of the book, not being told what to wear and when to eat!

I am a man who watched this program , And I want to add a twist to it. I could relate to the ladies in this show . I could see what they got out of it . Im by no means a wimp. And in day to day life cross me at your peril , in work in sport I want to be number one. But the more i think about that show the more I weant to be a surended Husband . The thought of having my wife enjoy that sort of power , my main reason in the relationship to make the other person happy , And yes she would be making me happy by letting me.
THought provoking show. and many people have lost sight of what the show was about because it focussed on only the female obeying

I enjoyed the programme and found some of the principles behind it acceptable. I'm not sure I would go as far as going out to work and dealing with all household chores (that seems a bit unfair). Although I go out to work I earn very little;my partner earns most of the money that pays for our home, holidays etc I only buy the food every week. My partner works long hours to do this and I think this should be respected and I dont think a lot of women do respect this.

This is fantastic news, where do I sign up the wife?

I agree with Audrey Cook.

I think it's very sad we still live in a country openly willing to put people down simply because of their genitalia.

I have been brought up to respect others and be respected. I realise that others live in different ways however what I find offensive is this "training" of women to be submissive. At least 2 of the women were the breadwinners and then handed over their money to the husband! It was suggested in the programme that the women didn't think their husbands capable of tasks and that this was a bad thing. The handing over of money to the husband suggests that women are not capable of handling money but that wasn't even touched on. It was quite clear that it was ok to put women down as long as the man was happy. I believe in partnerships, I am fortunate to come from a long line of men and women who worked together as equals, in the home and business worlds and all their marriages were happy. Why one has to be the master for something to work is beyond me. Women have fought hard for their place in this country and I will be teaching my daughters and sons the self-respect they deserve in equal measure.

I will be waiting for the programmes about "obedient men, ethnic minorities being treated as second class citizens, disabled people being confined to their homes because the generation before think they have somehow 'lost out' as these people no longer 'observe' their 'proper' place in society?"

I didn't see this - we were watching 'New Tricks' instead. The previous evening, however, I watched 'Wife Swap' in which one of the wives was very similar to those described above. She worked for 12 hours a day as a carer but did all the housework, ran her husband's bath (he liked plenty of bubbles), before she went to work she had to roll him his day's supply of 20 hand-rolled cigarettes (ugggh!) and she and her 2 daughters only ate after the husband and son had been served. It was particularly saddening to see the young women parroting this same creed 'we look after our men, we're there to do what they tell us to do'. That woman had never been used to making a single decision on her own and was 'all at sea' when they 'swapped' and she had no one to tell her what to do (the other woman was a divorced mum of 2 who was running her own business teaching pole-dancing as a way of making women feel good about their bodies).

I was a working mum in the days when it wasn't as accepted as it is now, I've always had to make decisions both for myself, family members and at work. I lived alone following widowhood and redundancy in 1992. I'm now happily-married for the second time, retired, could not imagine having to live like that.

FWIW, yes, slavery has been abolished, but this isn't slavery - these women have chosen this way of life deliberately, no one has imposed it on them.

i thought marriage was about love i'm pretty sure it doesn't state slavery in the vows but there you go i was appalled especially by the attorneys comment to do with women always wanting sex i wonder how that would stand up in court in a rape case "well she wanted it really i was just pursuing her" only in america i just hope it doesnt spread here. No self respecting man would expect his wife to wait on him and no self respecting woman would agree to it if you want an easy life don't get married!!

Not heard of 'Surrendered Wives', but it is remarkably similar to the way we operate our thirty year marriage. About five years ago we adopted similar modes of behaviour and it is amazing the relief we both felt when the roles of responsibility and obedience were defined and aportioned. The lady with the three degrees seems unable to grasp the fact that when you defer totally to the will of someone you love, it has the effect of empowering you. Instead of hiding behind piles of words, maybe she should try living this way: she may well find that both her husband and her begin communicating by feelings, not via theories and theses.

Hi, Like many posters to this blog, I expected to find this programme shocking and offensive. However, this is not the case. Yes, it can be upsetting to see the extreme examples shown on this programme, but the underlying principle remains compelling. Will I be teaching my daughter at two years old that Daddy is king; doubtful. But to teach myself and my children that partnership is implies not two people doing the same role - but sharing the responsiblities between each. It's funny, I listened to the women in the programme and found myself thinking that the fundamental fear of letting go is that he won't do it 'right'. How insulting is this to my partner?!?! Divorce rates are higher now than ever. Is this just because of financial freedom of women (now able to earn similar (or higher) than men), of better education or uncontrolled egos? We live in a society in which everything can be replaced, including marriage. If the principles in this approach to marriage help sustain committment in a age of drive-thru values, it is worth further thought.

It's too easy to dismis the Newcastle man of 70 with his 45 year old Thai wife. This man has it made - and many would question if his wife is truly happy or if she settled for it in order to live the western life? However, the couple in Leeds - similar in age and who have children - was quite an interesting case study. I found myself able to identify with her as an accomplished, intelligent, 'bread-winner' and she was struggling with the new concepts. Watching her cut up her credit cards was thought-provoking as I don't think I ever could.

I don't think this programme was presenting an idealised view of the 50's marriage. It is simply an alternative approach to partnership. One couple cited the bible as the fundamental principle. And it is true that the bible directs the man to head the household and the woman to defer to his judgement. But it also instructs the man to love and care for his wife as his church. This means that the man has just as many responsibilities to his wife as she has to him.

In this age of individual it's often very hard to find a functional partnership. Somewhere between this programme and reality lies a balanced view of respect and trust. We don't have to agree with everything the participants say or do - it's not that dogmatic. However, if a partnerships is to to be beneficial for both, each will have to trust the other. And sometimes this can mean trusting the other even when you can't agree.

Worth further thought.

I DONT believe that it is slavery, I thought i was alone in how i feel being a woman, i am 22 years old and believe that a womans place is to honer thy man, I am NOT religious, but believe from the begining of tim Woman has been around to serve Men, I would be insulted it my partner did any tidying,cleaningor washing as the kitchen is my room, One thing i did not agree with from the docomentry last night is that i will not let a man decided what i am going to wear or how i am going to to me hair.

Dear Sir,

I am writing to complain about the most recently screened Hidden Lives 'Obedient Wives' programme. I usually watch this show because it documents aspects of life away from the mainstream which are interesting and thought provoking akin to the level of broadcasting that other channels such as C4's 'Cutting Edge' might provide. However, the latest episode left me feeling insulted and degraded as a woman because the programme shows a onesided, uncritical and unanalytical perspective of how women 'ought' to be defined - in a domestic role, with 're-cinded rights' so as to serve men. This portrayal of women as weak, uneducated, pathetic and dependent while men sign away hard won 100 years of women's equality rights was disgusting and appalling.

I wonder perhaps if you as a broadcaster would have considered it acceptable to make a feature about ethnic minorities being treated as second class citizens, treated as servants and slaves, or disabled people being confined to their homes because the generation before think they have somehow 'lost out' as these people no longer 'observe' their 'proper' place in society? I think not. And yet it is perfectly acceptable to show women as being treated as obedient servants, reprogramming their behaviour so as to suppress independent thought, disable their own decisions and serve the other sex? Its small wonder the marriages are more 'peaceful' - with one person as master and the other as servants, this is the model of obedience that workplaces enforce with legislation to keep workers in their place for a wage, and how communist governments ensure national 'harmony.' This programme substitutes equality between gender for a facade of 'peace' where one person rules and the other follows - no surprises its a man, and the transparent illogic is not questioned whatsoever by a commentator in your programme.

Perhaps you can make a show about obedient men and see how the male gender feels in being portrayed as a servant with recinded rights. Strangely I doubt this will occur.

I was born in 1981. Mine is the very first generation in the West who has not had to fight for equality rights which have gradually become nationalised in work, marriage and social security legislation. I have 3 degrees including a PhD, all paid for by scholarships and I earn a six figure salary. My partner of 8 years is similarly educated, just as successful and sees me as an equal, not a belittled accessory to his power. He holds a PhD, is great looking, respectful and we share everything on equal terms – I would never look twice at a man who saw me as some free spirit to be bent to his will, such men are thankfully dying out for good and represent the very dregs of society's prejudice. We are both fantastic cooks and clean up after ourselves - there is no need for a servant because we both possess the self respect and dignity to be able to clean up after ourselves. It would be demeaning to have another person clean up after us.

Both my father and grandfather fought for this country and did not do so to see their daughters and granddaughters as weak, second class obedient servants to men – it was for a free country, not a gendered hierarchical one.

There are women in the third world who crave to see a time when their daughters need not be aborted because state and religion sees them as worth less than the male gender, and where they will be recognised for their talent and contribution to society as intelligent, skilled, successful women – not judged on how to obey others who have a different gender. This world already exists in the West.

And yet here you are, portraying the 'ideal' marriage as one not based on equality but obedience? Well done - you have just ridden roughshod over 100 years of civil rights for women. I hope you are proud and show your daughters what it is to be a woman in the 21st century after millenia of embedded societal repression. It’s a sad world that supposedly intelligent women see their role in their one life as one where they relinquish rights to free speech and independence for the sake of an easy life and see this as the solution to marriage problems. And all this in the West, the supposedly foremost part of the world where women have succeeded in publicly legitimated rights to work, vote, own property independently and not be defined as accessories to men in power? In other parts of the world, women are still fighting to be publicly recognised as first class citizens, to vote, to work, own property and live an un-stigmatised life.

I shall be passing my comments to the Television Standards Regulator.”

As for you all you women seeing obedience as the solution to a successful marriage, it says a lot about you perceiving yourselves as weak, vulnerable, illegitimate and incapable of any independent thought – you give women the world over a bad name for being such pathetic little girls where men know best, and you exist solely to reduce their insecurities and bolster their self esteem by sacrificing your own – you are entirely defined by men. Get a life and do your daughters a favour – don’t teach them to be servants where they will never be as good as a man. Women have endured such suffering for hard won rights, just for you to have the choice to throw it all away. You should be utterly ashamed for portaying women in such a degrading light.

Is it being repeated?

I watched tonights programme expecting to come away saying - I can not believe what I have just seen. Instead I have come away thinking how wonderful many of the principles are. Our husbands are not employees, but are the men we love and have chosen to spend our lives with. I'd love to know more. In todays world our divorce rates are so very high. Before this is decried as mumbo jumbo maybe it should be looked into in more detail.

yeah, right.

I missed it!!!

It looks really interesting - a diff way of viewing everyday situation.

When is it repeated?

Ann Onymous

I missed it!!!

It looks really interesting - a diff way of viewing everyday situation.

When is it repeated?

Ann Onymous

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I HAVE JUST SEEN!!! THEY ARE EITHER ON TRIPLE DOSE OF PROSAC OR HAVE A SCREW LOOSE. FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T AGREE WITH THE WIFE BEING DOMINEERING AND NAGGING ETC., BUT NEITHER DO I AGREE WITH HER BEING A SUBMISSIVE DOORMAT. SECONDLY, NO HUSBAND/WIFE/PARTNER SHOULD TELL SOMEONE WHAT TO EAT!!!! NEVER MIND WHAT TO WEAR.
WHY SHOULD ONE OF THE COUPLE BE THE BOSS? IS IT ME? MY RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FAILING, 20 YEARS, AND NEITHER ONE OF US IS THE BOSS.

That documentary has absolutely nothing to do with 'slavery', it has to do with wives satisfying the needs of their husbands and husbands providing for their wives and offspring. The way it should be!

these women are unbelievable has anyone told them slavery has been abolished.