101 most embarrassing moments in entertainment(5/5)
23.00–00.00

Everyone has the capability to make a fool of themselves, but, with their lives being played out in front of the cameras, celebrities seem to have a special knack for it. Completing the countdown of the 101 most toe-curling showbiz howlers in history, tonight’s programme features a CGI amphibian who beat a world-famous band to the top of the charts; a Premiership footballer exposed as a fan of older women; and a diminutive film star who went a little too far in his efforts to convince the public of his new love.

In May 2005, Coldplay’s Chris Martin was about to release ‘Speed of Sound’ –the first single from his band’s long-awaited third album. The song was already a huge hit in the US and was hotly tipped to reach the top of the UK charts. However, Coldplay’s release was actually pipped to the number one spot at the last minute by none other than the ‘Crazy Frog’ –an animated character responsible for the most annoying ringtone in the history of mobile telephony. One half of this entry in the charts of embarrassment, therefore, is that Chris Martin lost out to a frog, but the other, perhaps more significant half, is that the British public bought the atrocious single in their droves. “The success of the Crazy Frog is such a severe indictment of human nature,” says Vanessa Feltz, “that I throw my hands up in horror at it!”

Elsewhere in tonight’s countdown, we move away from music and into the realm of sport. As well as being known for cash, flash cars and questionable taste, Premiership footballers are also famous for dating beautiful women. Unless you are Wayne Rooney, who, in 2004, spent £45 a time to sleep with a prostitute 31 years his senior. “There’s something about a Wayne Rooney embarrassment that is completely gothic and unexpected,” says journalist Paul Morley. Things got worse for Rooney when a national newspaper published a note he had written to another prostitute, making it rather difficult for him to deny the accusations. Then, when the rumour of a PVC-clad grandmother began to rear its ugly head, the player’s position in the chart of embarrassing moments was cemented.

If you are a celebrity, it stands to reason that members of the public are interested in you and want to learn what you are doing. In 2002, talk show host and actress Rosie O’Donnell took this idea one step further when she decided that the public needed even more Rosie in their lives and created her own magazine –called simply ‘Rosie’. Having started low, the circulation figures of this narcissistic monstrosity soon dwindled even further. Her exasperated publishers eventually took out a $100 million lawsuit against O’Donnell. Rosie hit back with her own counterclaim, but both suits were dropped, much like the magazine itself. Says journalist Michael Musto of the affair: “It was a quagmire of terrible decisions and horrible results.”

The tour of shame remains in the US for another two stops, this time involving two of the most famous film stars in the world. The first concerns one-time action hero Arnold Schwarzenegger. When Arnie was running for governor in California, a group of women came forward claiming to have been groped by him during his film career. What was Arnie’s excuse for all this? “A lot of crazy things happened in the 70s.”

The second of these movie star humiliations, and one of the most embarrassing moments in the history of entertainment, involves Tom Cruise. In 2005 while on set of the Oprah Winfrey show, Cruise behaved like a deranged teenager as he proclaimed his love for new partner Katie Holmes. Despite leaping on the couch and punching the air, however, Cruise convinced nobody that his love was real. So painfully cringe-worthy was his performance, in fact, that even the unflappable Oprah was clearly uncomfortable. “It was embarrassing for everyone,” says presenter Paddy O’Connell, “including the sofa!”