Throng

Monday 10th August 9.00pm

Continuing on Five this week is the fifth series of the hotel-renovation show. In this instalment, Alex climbs aboard floating hotel the African Queen. With the boat running at just 30 per cent occupancy, owners Bonny and Andy are at breaking point. Can the hotel inspector throw this beleaguered couple a life jacket?

South Africans Bonny and Andy Cowley previously ran a successful hotel and restaurant on the Isle of Wight. When they bought 85-year-old Dutch barge the African Queen they were full of hope for their new project. “We thought, ‘We’re gonna fly!’ but it didn’t work like that,” says Bonny. The eightbedroom floating hotel is failing to turn a profit – and even when the couple have guests, the heavy workload of running the boat is taking its toll.

“It looks rather like a floating Portakabin,” comments Alex upon arrival. Her tour begins below deck with the guest accommodation, and she is pleasantly surprised by the standard of the rooms. “The minimum requirements are being met,” she admits. With the rooms passing muster, Alex decides to check out the service, and settles down for a traditional South African dinner. However, although Bonny’s cooking is excellent, Alex finds Andy’s hosting skills a little too enthusiastic. “He hovers over everybody while they’re trying to eat,” Bonny sighs.

After 24 hours, Alex is ready to deliver her verdict. Firstly, she tells the couple that Andy must leave the guests some more time to themselves. Next, Bonny must devise some extra touches to add value – such as extra towels and a thermos of hot water in the bedrooms for tea and coffee. Lastly, the pair must spruce up the boat’s scruffy exterior and put more effort into their marketing plan. Andy is full of enthusiasm for the changes. “My whole livelihood depends on it,” he says.

Alex leaves the couple with clear objectives to take the business forward, but she is not convinced that her advice about Andy’s hosting skills has sunk in. The hotel inspector decides to send two undercover guests onto the boat for a romantic anniversary visit. Initially, Andy appears to be holding back. But the temptation to chat to his guests is soon too much for him, and he joins them in the lounge. When Alex reveals all to Andy and Bonny the next day, the ‘guests’ admit they did find Andy overbearing. “I think he’s very self-indulgent about this boat. He has to focus less on what makes him happy and more on what makes his guests happy,” Alex says.

With spiralling debts, Andy and Bonny have no choice but to listen to Alex’s advice. The couple decide on a nostalgic 1930s colour scheme of red, white and black for the exterior of the boat. New blinds and soft furnishings complete their vision. They also hire a former waiter from the QE2 to assist Bonny with cooking and cleaning. On her return, Alex is delighted with the improvements. “That looks so much better! I love all the red,” she enthuses. Alex then takes the pair shopping for a smart new blazer for Andy.

In the first step of their marketing plan, Andy and Bonny take the boat for a cruise up the Thames in order to advertise their product. Unfortunately, the Easter holidays mean the area is very quiet, but the two are delighted when a passer-by makes a booking for ten people for a 60th birthday party. “That’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!” exclaims Andy.

The final stage of Alex’s plan is to invite travel journalists and representatives from local businesses for a launch party. Although the Queen is certainly looking regal, Alex is distressed with Andy and Bonny’s hospitality – particularly when Andy begins telling his guests about various boating disasters. The hotel inspector is forced to pull the deluded captain aside for some stern instructions. “Don’t tell them everything that’s ever gone wrong!” she insists. Bonny’s cooking is soon winning the press over – but is Andy’s performance about to send the African Queen into troubled waters?