human guinea pigs (8/8)

Dan, Ollie, Nicky, Mike and Kirby are the Human Guinea Pigs – five best mates who take pleasure in performing outrageous stunts. In tonight’s season finale, the boys discover how hard it is to be women – and pregnant ones, at that. Kitted out with pregnant bellies, they attempt to endure hair removal, high heels and sleep deprivation.

Today the foolish fivesome find out what it takes for ladies to maintain their svelte appearances in an experiment entitled ‘To Wax or To Zap’. They are introduced to beauty therapist Doreen, who submits the intrepid idiots to a variety of hairremoval techniques.

First up is Mike, who is going to give electrolysis a go. Not a fan of needles, he is alarmed when he learns that this technique involves a needle sending a current into the hair root to damage it. “This isn’t science,” he whimpers afterwards. “This is just pure pain!” Next is Ollie, who tries out a rather less painful method: removal cream. This dissolves the proteins in the hair, making it easy to wash away. “Don’t you think he looks like Frankenstein’s bride?” laughs Mike when he sees Ollie minus one eyebrow. Finally, Nicky bravely steps up to try out waxing. How will he cope with the agonising procedure described by the professor as “utterly barbaric”?

The next challenge, ‘Heel Regret Wearing Them’, sees the boys step forward in the name of science to discover what ‘lady-shoes’ actually do to the wearer’s feet. High heels look great and are hence beloved by many women – and some men – but can wearing them do bad things to the body? To find out, the pigs each wear a pair of high heels for three days, during which they must walk andrun.

Soon enough, Kirby experiences one of the dangerous side-effects of wearing heels – twisting of the knees, which damages the cartilage around the joint and can lead to osteoarthritis, a condition much more common in women. Dan, meanwhile, is on what the professor calls “a fast-track to bunions” – where the big toe is forced inwards and a bony lump compensates by growing outwards. As well as causing tendon damage, posture problems and foot deformity, these shoes can also cause injury by provoking the simple act of falling over – as one of the pigs finds to his cost when the gang attempts a risky race.

Later, the daft boys find out what it is like to be deprived of sleep for 48 hours in ‘Can a Pig See Pigs Fly?’. With their pregnant bellies now replaced with baby dolls that cry, eat and need their nappies changing, the guys embark on their sleepless voyage of discovery. But what they do not know is that they are going to be monitored for hallucinations. As tempers fray, hysteria mounts and reaction times slow, will any of them start seeing things?

Also this week, one pig attempts a chillidrinking contest against a girl – with upsetting and messy results. When Nicky bows out after drinking five shots of the hot stuff, Dan steps up and drinks a terrifying half-pint cocktail of hot sauce. “It hurts to breathe,” he splutters afterwards, desperately attempting to neutralise the fiery capsaicin in the chillies with some yoghurt. And the boys attempt to demonstrate the difficulty faced by a sperm travelling to an egg –by encasing themselves in bubble-wrap and running around a dog track.