human guinea pigs (7/8)

Dan, Ollie, Nicky, Mike and Kirby are the Human Guinea Pigs – five best mates who take pleasure in performing outrageous stunts. Tonight, Dan demonstrates how a rocket is launched; there is a trip to an ice bar to learn about the effects of intense cold; and the pigs try to set a record for eating tripe.

Having grown up together and developed a shared fascination with hurting themselves, the Human Guinea Pigs are now putting their stupidity to good use to solve a range of scientific conundrums. They are assisted by Professor Stuart Milligan, who pushes them to their limits in the pursuit of knowledge. As the guinea pigs undergo various tests, the professor uses animation to explain what is happening to their bodies.

In tonight’s edition, Dan puts himself in the firing line in order to understand the forces involved in a rocket launch. The professor has devised a simulation involving small plastic film canisters, soluble pills and a sensitive area of Dan’s anatomy. The canisters are filled with warm water and the tablets are dropped inside. As the pills dissolve, they create a pressure inside the container. “This action continues until there is enough pressure to blow apart the canister from its lid,” the professor explains. “The reaction is the launch of the rocket.”

In short order, the canister is blasted with considerable force at its target: Dan’s groin. This proves the mechanics of Newton’s third law of motion – that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction – as well as demonstrating the unutterable depths of Dan’s stupidity.

Undeterred, Dan is soon back in action alongside the other pigs as they make a trip to an ice bar in London’s West End, where the room temperature is kept at a bracing –5 degrees. The aim of this excursion is to answer two questions: why does being in the cold provoke the desire to pee, and does body fat help keep you warm?

To test the effects of the cold on urine production, the five pigs must endure the freezing temperatures dressed only in their underwear and a cape, drinking fruit juice to fill their bladders. After 40 minutes, the pigs begin to drop out to answer calls of nature, until only Mike and Kirby are left standing.

The professor, meanwhile, explains the biology behind their overwhelming desire to urinate. The cold reduces blood flow to the skin, sending it into the centre of the body and thereby increasing blood pressure. “The body’s response is to try and reduce the pressure by getting your kidneys to get rid of water,” the professor says. “Therefore, cold makes you pee.”

Mike and Kirby are declared joint winners after two excruciating hours in the cold, but there remains the uncomfortable job of inserting a thermometer into a delicate region in order to measure their core temperature. Surprisingly, both lads report their inner temperature has hardly changed. “Regardless of how fat they were, both boys’ bodies have been so efficient in reducing heat loss that their core temperatures haven’t changed, allowing them to keep their vital organs – and brains – nice and warm,” the professor concludes.

After the ice bar, the pigs retire to a pleasant country field for their last stunt –an attempt to break the world record for eating tripe. This vile, smelly foodstuff is offal from a cow’s intestine, and was once a staple of the British diet. Now the boys must eat as much as possible of the white, blubbery fare in 12 minutes, while the professor illustrates the mechanics of a cow’s four stomachs. But which of the pigs will emerge triumphant from this queasy contest? “If you can keep it down, tripe has got a lot to offer,” enthuses the professor.

Also this week, the pigs race a pair of horses to learn the meaning of horsepower, and attach bungee cords to their faces to understand the rubbery properties of human skin.