Throng

Ramsay to bag millions in deal

Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay will net millions of pounds in a deal which sees his production company One Potato Two Potato, which produces the likes of The F Word and Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, sold to British production giant All3Media. Under the new conglomerate, Ramsay will look to build his presence in the US and will benefit from bigger distribution and licensing operations.

Kelly Brook for Strictly return?

Kelly Brook is reportedly being lined up for a return to Strictly Come Dancing in this year’s eighth season. Brook, who had to withdraw from the 2007 season due to the death of her father, is being chased by executive producer Moira Ross to return to what is being touted as the “sexiest” season ever.

Kanye invited back to MTV Awards

And we're not talking about rats and insects!

I'm A Celebrity..Get Me Out Of Here bosses are rumoured to be wanting to sign even more contraversial celebrities for this year's series.

Bosses are looking to sign up celebs who will cause a scene and aggravate each other, "This year there won’t just be one bad egg, there will be a basketful. In the past we’ve always put one person in the mix who’s going to be the troublemaker. Well this year, it’s going to be a rogues’ gallery of baddies."

With no budding romance since the days of Peter and Jordan, it looks like bosses want to heat up viewing figures with celeb wars rather instead.

The new series will be back on ITV1 in November with hosts Ant and Dec.

Cowell bans several songs from The X Factor

X Factor judge Simon Cowell has drawn up a list of songs he wishes never to hear again on the reality talent show and has banned contestants from ever singing them. Worried that audiences will grow tired of hearing the same music over and over, he has banned several songs from the likes of Paolo Nutini, Kings of Leon, Snow Patrol and Jason Mraz.

I'm A Celebrity producers seeking "nasty" contestants

Producers of I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here are looking to sign on more controversial contestants for this year’s series. The show’s bosses are seeking out “nasty” celebrities in order to cause more drama in the jungle in order to captivate viewers.

Gino D'Acampo won I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! After weeks of living like a stray dog (crapping in hedges, eating off the floor and humping inanimate objects), I bet he was looking forward to leaving the jungle - especially as a winner.

However, there was a fly in his soup and it wasn't doing backstroke.

This particular fly (and laboured analogy) was a rat and Gino and pal Stuart 'Him From Hollyoaks' Manning decided (allegedly) that they'd kill it, skin it and eat it. Now, they've got a day in court for dessert.

I asked if reality TV was rigged (here), thanks to some folks moaning about Strictly Come Dancing and The X Factor.

Now, we've got the same question for I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!

You see, Joe Bugner seems to think so... with his weird ape-paw head.  He's suggested that the reality show is fixed by producers.

The former boxer told The Sun that ITV rigged his exit to allow Stuart Manning (Russ from Hollyoaks) and Sabrina Washington (Her from that pop band) to continue their playground flirting.

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Immanuel Kant: Plaugarising Jimmy White since 1749

Now that Katie Price has left I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!, there's room for a couple more tits.

Well, in news that TV has finally started to eat itself, it appears that the boobs in question could be The Mighty Jedward from The X Factor.

According to The Sun, the Irish teenagers have been given a deadline of 5.30pm today to accept a £50,000 offer to fly out to the jungle and get hit with a barrage of witchetty grubs and face living with Joe Bugner, who looks like a man carved out of old corned beef.

Naturally, bosses at ITV are keen to keep momentum on the fervour surrounding the Grimes brothers and have reportedly approached the 18-year-olds' mentor Louis Walsh.

If you missed it over the weekend, here you are, pet...

It was nice to see a heavyweight boxer bully a young woman for her apparent inability to cook. Yeah, you tell her Joe! If the souffle Sabrina cooks for camp doesn't rise properly, you should knock her out!

Of course it's not really nice to see that kind of behaviour. I was employing the lazy comedic tool of sarcasm, just as do when I say that I got a massive pan-handle on seeing The Sun's photo of a topless Kim at the weekend. The most unnecessary shot since a Brazilian with a rucksack last ran to catch a tube.*

Katie Price - or Jordan if you prefer - has left I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!

The official ITV microsite has confirmed it and tabloids are reporting it too. According to The Sun, Price told bosses of the Insect Paradegramme that she couldn't hack the constant requests of the public, notably, for her to do continual grim and humiliating things.

Price reportedly said: "I can't do another trial. I'm walking. There's only so much crap one person can take.

"The way I've been treated on the show by the viewers, you'd think I was the most hated woman in Britain."

"It is getting beyond a joke. Everyone seems to hate me so much more than I thought.

"I said at the start that I came on the show for a bit of peace and quiet, to try and get my head together after the divorce. But now I'm feeling uncomfortable.''

Ant & Dec In 'Pull Back & Reveal' Joke Technique Shocker...

Joe Bugner carried on his one man education of the camp last night, detailing some more potentially hazardous organisms and where they can turn up on or in a human being. According to Kim, he was 'putting the willies up people'. Also going up people (well, their vaginas) are ticks, apparently. Is he making this stuff up? Who cares? Let's be honest, it's just funny to hear words like 'vagina' on telly, isn't? Tee hee hee!

This is the 'news':

Strictly's Camilla Ballons in Weight – Loses Hair

Katie Pulls in 267% of Public Vote in Live Trial

Ghost of Rod Hull on Standby for Jungle Entry

Someone left I'm a Celebrity... Joe Bugner went in... Kim had a menopausal moment and blah blah blah...

All of this pales into insignificance when you consider that last night's I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! invented a new type of porn.

Most adult movies deal in degradation these days. Whole clusters of well-wanged blokes stood around some lass, giving her a viscous shower... or someone crying while they defecate into a tin bucket while some old fella yanks himself into a eye-rolling foam... or that one with a lady dressed up as E.T. - it's all there if you search for it.

Yet, even the most filthy minded sorts who are into the most dreadful and niche interests must get bored, right? At some point, like normal sex, the whole process surely becomes a little passé?

Have some headlines. Go on. Nah, take them, I don’t want ‘em:

Ant & Dec's 'Dec & Ant' experiment ends in tragedy

After three thoroughly unpleasant days in the jungle, Strictly Come Dancing star Camilla Dallerup has quit I’m A Celebrity.

Dallerup continually broke down in tears in the camp as she struggled to cope with the jungle conditions, leaving her to yell ‘I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!!'

Those who tuned in will have seen How Clean Is Your Home star Kim Woodburn and Misteeq singer Sabrina Washington comforting the dancer during yesterday’s show. They may well have sneered "you big soft git" as well.

Camilla admitted: ‘I just can’t sleep properly and I can’t think properly. My brain’s not working. It’s only three days in, so what’s going to happen after this?

‘I’m scared because I don’t want to put my health in danger and I can’t think straight.’

Coming at you like a thousand cockroaches pumped directly into your face through a Perspex tube, here are your headlines:

‘Jordan-sized jungle hole filled by Jordan’