Celebrity Big Brother

Every time I look at Paul Gascoigne I get a weird feeling in my bones. A feeling very similar to the time I first recognised that I would probably have to get my dog put down. You remember the good times and how much fun you had… but now, it’s pained and dragging his back legs around the park when once he would’ve kicked at the grass gleefully having just taken a dump.

Of course, I’m not implying that Gazza (or G8 or whatever he’s called now) should be euthenized. I’m just trying to convey how sad it makes me every single time he appears on my box.

Gazza is probably the footballer who had the most natural talent that I ever saw in my life. He was a cad off the field and now… well… he’s all broken and trembly.

Naturally, this makes him a prime target for reality television. It’s of little surprise that the Channel 4 bosses (or whoever makes such decisions) are gunning for Wor Gazza to appear on the next – and last – Celebrity Big Brother.

According to The Mirror, Gazza has been offered £100,000 by producers to enter the show. There, they hope, he’ll talk candidly about his depression, alcoholism and… well… you know the back story.

Other celebrities rumoured are equally tragic. Get this: Lindsay Lohan, Ronnie O’Sullivan and Kerry Katona.

Who next? Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston? Blake Civil-Fielder? David Crosby? Jeff Stelling?

Friday 23 January 2009 at 8:30pm on C4

Join Davina McCall for the final night of this year’s Celebrity Big Brother . After 21 days together, how have the celebrities been coping with the pressures of their last day? And how have they spent their final 24 hours in the house? The runners-up are evicted and reacquaint themselves with the outside world, but who will be this year’s winner?

Tuesday 20 January 2009 at 11:00pm on E4

Comedian Jack Whitehall and guests dissect and debate the celebrity housemates and the latest house antics in front of a studio audience of CBB fans.

Friday 16 January 2009 at 9:00pm on C4

It’s eviction time! Tonight the housemates nominated for eviction will discover which of them will be leaving the house. Davina McCall reveals the identity of Big Brother ‘s celebrity evictee and presents highlights of the past 24 hours in the house. And at 10.35pm the evicted housemate leaves the house for their first live interview.

Saturday 10 January 2009 at 10:40pm on E4

A must for CBB fans: the show which allows viewers to find out what the celebrity housemates really think of each other.

Friday 9 January at 9:00pm on C4

The first housemates nominated for eviction finally discover which of them will be evicted. Live from the house Davina McCall reveals the identity of Big Brother’s first celebrity evictee. The show also includes highlights of the past 24 hours in the house. And, in the second show later tonight, Davina meets and interviews the first evictee.

Sunday 4 January at 7:00pm on E4

George Lamb presents a one-hour launch special as the first Little Brother of the celebrity series checks in with how the new celebrity housemates are finding life in the house.

Friday 2 January at 10:15pm on E4

With the celebrities having entered the Big Brother house, join comedian Jack Whitehall and guests for the first Big Mouth of the series, as they dissect and debate the new bunch of celebrities in front of a studio audience.

Friday 2 January at 9:00pm on C4

Davina McCall presents the live launch show as the celebrities wave goodbye to their agents, egos and loved ones and enter the Big Brother house for the very first time. Viewers will witness just who will be joining the house for 2009 as well as sharing their very first moments together as they settle into the UK’s most famous abode.

Thursday 1 January at 10:00pm on C4

As Celebrity Big Brother returns to Channel 4 and a new bunch of celebrity housemates prepare to sleep, eat and wash their smalls under Big Brother’s watchful eye, ex-housemates, celebrities and journalists celebrate and talk frankly about the past five series of Celebrity Big Brother .

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