
Gordon Ramsay’s F Word has been trundling away on Channel 4 to absolutely no fanfare. For a time, Ramsay had an imperial moment where he could almost walk on water. Everyone tuned in to see just how angry he’d get… or to see him slap an ailing restaurant into shape with a mixture of kindness and cruelty.
Then, at some point, seemingly overnight, everyone got bored of his wicked stepmother routine. I mean, that’s all he is. A sneering bitch.
And so, thanks to the Manchester derby cup game being called off, I was faced with a black hole in the TV listings. With complete nothingness, I pressed ‘4’ and watched Ramsay hulk around like a bear with a thorn in its paw.
This series is telling us it’s different from previous outings. Before, we’ve seen slebs and proles invited into the kitchen to be abused as well as amused by Gordo’s nervous tics.
“Uh? Eh big boy? Yes chef! *hand slap* Eh? Uh? Big boy? Yes chef!“
Now, the show has added some X Factor to proceedings by looking for the very best of Britain’s culinary scene.
Of course, this is boring and lacking in the ‘journey’ aspect that is currently shown in programmes like MasterChef and The Restaurant. Instead, we’re faced with some places I couldn’t give a fig about (called The Pheasant, Simply Thai and the Greek Retsina if you must know) all battling it out for the title of Best Local Restaurant.
Best Local Restaurant? Surely it should be Best Small Restaurant In Britain or something?
Either way, we’re invited to see talented people cooking food under the guise of ‘challenges’ and the whole thing limps along until Ramsay chooses someone to go through to the semi-final. I can’t remember who won because, quite frankly, I couldn’t care less.
The only moment this tepid foodjerk raised above the trench was when the camera showed a woman in a wig from Simply Thai having a loud, angry, finger pointing nervous breakdown every three seconds. This woman looked like the kind of boss who doesn’t fire you, but rather, slices your throat open and makes pate from your congealed blood.
Even so, I was still pretty bored by her too, because, the simple fact of the matter is that I’ve got food lethargy. I’d be more interested watching someone pour the molten contents of a McDonald’s apple slice into Ramsay’s eye socket rather than yet another diatribe about reputations being on the line, locally sourced shit and the heaping on of a passion for food.
This show is dead in the water, along with 90% of all other food shows. Please 2010, can we have another trend now?