Jason Gardiner

 

Look. Look at this staggering prick. This man, in case you don’t know (in which case, lucky you) is Jason Gardiner.

Jason Gardiner is a ‘judge’ on Dancing On Ice. He is a man of no fixed talent or skill. He is simply hired to be a horrible, snidey, odious little git in the face of the weakest, most vulnerable person he can find. Of course, that doesn’t include himself.

I’ve said some bad things about people in various articles in the name of getting a cheap laugh. I’ve gone so far as to ask for a public horse-whipping of a script writer for a show. Most of the time I don’t mean it. It’s all a big joke that ends up with me adding a line saying “…but I’m an even bigger idiot” or whatever.

However, sometimes I do mean it… and that’s usually when my target is someone who thrills in the public humiliation of others.

That’s why I like kicking people like Jason Gardiner… the most talentless jerk-off ever seen on the box.

A few weekends ago, Gardiner showed that ITV have paid him to sneer and little else. No more, no less. So useless is Gardiner that you could replace him with a foam hand in the ‘thumbs-down’ position and get some drunk off the street to write swear-words on in in faeces.

It’d have more charisma for a start as Gardiner showcases all the warmth of a penguin’s ball-sack.

That, in itself, is not surprising. It’s de rigueur for a format show to hire someone to be a nasty judge and blow raspberries at everyone and everything. However, what Gardiner is missing is that vital knowingness. As opposed to being a pantomime dame, he’s actually just a bitter and cruel skidmark spreading misery about the underpants of television.

What’s really getting my goat is Gardiner’s comments about Sharron Davies.

After upsetting the clearly-in-need-of-a-hug Davies by saying she looked like she was ‘possessed by a tree’, he went one further by saying that she looked ‘like faecal matter that won’t flush – it goes around and around’.

Astonishingly, ITV didn’t think they needed to sack him after that needlessly cruel comment. After a mealy mouthed apology, he re-appeared to a chorus of boos from those that attended the show.

Now, he’s at it again, claiming that Davies is “devoid of charisma”.

“She is the next I want to see leave. Sharron is devoid of charisma on the ice,” he told The Sun. “It’s so painful to watch her. There is no redeeming quality in her performance.”

Here, the greatest irony of all. Gardiner is a human that defies purpose. He’s a vacuous, preening little cock who I’d like to see slapped stupid by every human in Britain. Repeated. On national television. For charity.

Whilst the ‘game’ of criticism is understood by many in and around TV (including taking bad reviews from people like me on the chin), sometimes, it’s blindingly obvious when to pull back a little and lay off the abuse.

Basically, if there’s a line in the sand that you should tread carefully around, it’s looking someone in the eye, in person, and telling them that they remind them of a turd that won’t flush down the toilet.

As the Telegraph’s Neil Midgley pointed out in his vent against Gardiner, the BBC were dragged over hot coals over what happened with Andrew Sachs and, let’s not forget the furore that surrounded Frankie Boyle’s Mock the Week gag about swimmer Rebecca Adlington looking like someone seen in the back of a spoon.

While ITV doesn’t have an equivalent to the BBC Trust as such… it doesn’t need to proudly show off that it doesn’t have any common decency either. The output of ITV is poor enough as it is without the inclusion of this vapid little drama queen spouting crass insults at a woman who clearly can’t handle it. You can only hope that Sharron uses that athletic body of hers to tear Jason Gardiner a new arse.

Gardiner isn’t making a satirical point and nor is he very funny. He’s just bullying a woman who can’t take it. From now, I’d like everyone who sees him in the street to dream up astonishingly awful insults and toss them his way until we see him crying in a newspaper.

TO ARMS!

  • BBC One
  • BBC Two
  • BBC Three
  • ITV1
  • ITV2
  • 4
  • E4
  • Film4
  • More4
  • Five
  • Fiver
  • Sky1