Michael Winner’s Dining Stars

What kind of idiot invites Michael Winner round their house?

Even Michael Winner doesn’t invite himself round his house for summat to eat. He’s clearly so low on friends that he’s needing to participate in Michael Winner’s Dining Stars (ITV1, Friday, 9pm)

One thing is guaranteed – he won’t keep any of these new prole friends for very long as he’s guaranteed to be an obnoxious tit the first chance he gets, willing to pass it all off as high-jinkery with a translucent wink of his ageing eye-lid.

Of course, there’s only ITV daft enough to commission this show.

There’s only Five or BBC Three I could imagine taking him on… and in the case of the latter, he’s not a former member of Atomic Kitten, so he’s out of the race.

Apart from being famous for being that man who says “Calm down dear…” and producing one of the Death Wish flicks, our man Winner is a foodie. Yep, the worst type of human of all.

This series sees him eating in people’s houses and comparing them unkindly to some of the swank restaurants that he’s eaten in.

The ones that get his seal of approval will receive a rubbish Perspex trophy.

With his undeserved ego in tow, you’ll get to see him blindly wobbling about the place like Mr Magoo and hurling insults at his PA and make-up woman.

He thinks that he’s gliding from the heavens to cast his holy hand over mere mortals when, the truth of the matter is, we’ll get to see him exactly for what he is – a jumped up, peevish little shit.

Naturally, it could make for some astonishing… if dreadful and infuriating… television.

  • BBC One
  • BBC Two
  • BBC Three
  • ITV1
  • ITV2
  • 4
  • E4
  • Film4
  • More4
  • Five
  • Fiver
  • Sky1