Take Me Out

Saturday, 28 January 2012, 7:15PM – 8:30PM

Comedian Paddy McGuinness plays matchmaker once again to his flirty 30 with a love lift full of eligible bachelors. 

On the boy menu tonight are: Tony a professional golfer from Essex, Norman, an unlucky in love wedding singer from Wigan, Fabio a fitness model from Glasgow and Bobby a cheeky undertaker from Dagenham. But who will bag themselves a hot date on the isle of Fernandos and who will blackout. Plus, we see if last weeks couples find love in the sun. 

Saturday, 21 January 2012, 7:00PM – 8:15PM

Paddy McGuinness attempts to fix up dates once more for his 30 loveless lasses. But who will be whisked off to the Isle of Fernandos? 

Tonight his trusty love lift delivers Oli, a fashion loving Personal Trainer from Manchester, Danny, a football freestyler from Walsall with a psychic agenda, Tom, a handsome student from Staffordshire and Ben a costume crazy mobile phone Salesman from Bedford. Plus we catch up with last weeks couples on their dates.

Saturday, 7 January 2012, 7:30PM – 8:30PM

Tonight matchmaker Paddy McGuinness returns for the 3rd series of the smash hit dating show and attempts to play cupid for his all new line up of 30 single girls. 

Up for grabs is a dream date on the Isle of Fernandos, but which single boy will bag him himself a beauty and who will face the dreaded blackout? 

Tonight the love lift delivers Ben, a Personal trainer from Huddersfield with an animal passion, George, an unlucky in love haulage worker from Birmingham, Adam, a fashion conscious Royal Navy Able Seaman from Middlesborough and Aaron a surfer dude from Somerset 

I watched my first episode of Take Me Out today.  It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to watch a dating show.  Desperate women looking for a single man and all that. Fun times.

It’s an interesting format. 30 woman with their fingers on a light switch.  If they’re turned off, they turn the light off. Brilliant. Each round allows the bachelor to present part of himself to the ladies, giving them another opportunity to turn their lights off.  If there are lights on after three rounds, Mr Lucky gets to choose who he’d like a date with.

When he’s got two girls left, it’s up to them to make their pitch. I’m sure there are moments where he’s thinking he’s had better pizza offers.

In between each round, we get a glimpse at how last weeks date winners dates played out. The usual tragedy seems to ensue. I’m sure there are some real winners but it might be a bit too whirlwind for true love.

It’s a fun show all the same and host Paddy McGuiness is entertaining.

What do you think? 

Saturday, 11 December 2010, 9:00PM – 10:00PM

Paddy McGuiness is back with the dating show which helps lucky lads and ladies find love. 

Following the success of the first series, Take Me Out will see each male contestant come down the famous love-lift and face 30 single women and their lights. 

As the guy tells the ladies about himself and his talents they decide what they think of him. If they like what they see they leave their light on, but if they don’t like the bloke and don’t want a date with him they turn it off, leaving Paddy to use his phrase, “No likey, No lighty” 

The last series saw dozens of couples hook up and go off on a date and this year there’ll be even more fun as the potential love birds jet off to the show’s ‘Island of Love’ to see if they can find love in the sun. 

I wish I was the kind of person who could watch a TV show and just think “…by God this is bad… I’ll just turn over and ignore what I’ve just seen.”

However, there’s something that compels me to hop into the car-wreckage and poke the bodies inside with a stick until they draw their last breath.

Take Me Out (ITV1) is a particularly harrowing vehicle pile up. ITV1, of course, is an accident blackspot that has more fatalities than survivors. It’s the Dead Man’s Curve of broadcasting. It’s a channel so bad that it forces normally sensible like me to bleed an analogy dry despite the fact it isn’t really working effectively.

Anyway. Take Me Out. It’s a show that tries to get the throwaway fun of Blind Date and mix it with the feeling of being trapped on a boat trip of Club 18-30 pukers and fingerers. Whipping the morons into a storm and encouraging public erections is the loathsome Paddy McGuinness.

Paddy is a man who has spent an entire career pushing the town of Bolton two steps back for every one step forward it makes… a man who is a walking advert for pasties, simpletons and dreadful catchphrases.

For those who know little about Bolton as a town (and there’s no reason why you should), let me fill you in on something. Bolton has a habit of birthing smart-arses. It’s a sarcastic town where everyone is seemingly taking the piss out of each other. I like it. However, from this, you unfortunately get those who develop annoying habits as they try and climb above the noise.

Dave Higson, a man who made cruddy (but brilliant) home-videos for Bolton Wanderers is a legend in the town. His catchphrase, “Ding Dong Doo!” was immortalised on Skinner and Baddiel’s ‘Fantasy Football’. Add the fondness for a catchphrase and annoying habits and you begin to approach Paddy’s penchant for trying to force a new, and hopeless catchphrase on the ITV viewers.

“We’ll be back in a nicky nacky noo!”

Via McGuinness’ gormless apery, we’re introduced to a bunch of braying women who struggle to tread the line of sassy and desperate for a shag. Like a ring master of hormones, McGuinness brings men with dubious views on women into the throng in an attempt to virtually push their genitals together and snort as they rut like farmyard animals.

He’d probably say “Look at these! Eh? Eh? They’re having a winky wanky bonk bonk!”

This shameless parade goes on like it’s harmless fun, which I suppose it is… however, so bad was it that during one segment which involved a pensioner miming on a drumkit and talking about his No Frills ‘Stringfellows’ club, I found that I’d got a metallic taste in my mouth and my left arm went tingly, leaving me gurning in agnoy at the screen.

The women invited to the show are, of course, horrible and thick. One woman gleefully pointed at one bloke and said: “He’s got shoulders! I love shoulders!” Begging the question; Why not jack this programme in and devote your life into hunting down the Cup-a-Soup monster arms and make horrible squealing love to those instead of trying to snare humans with all their erroneous legs, torsos and hips.

Initially, I felt that this show was a nightmarish vision of when Girl Power took over the world, with men paraded before cackling girls like cattle at a farmer’s market… a world where men were merely needed for an equivalent of animal husbandry… but alas, it’s not. It’s not even a reply to the sexism of the Miss World contest because the prize is so unrewarding.

No, this is a look into a world that’s been taken over by WKD. A world where the painful salty tears at the end of every night are drowned out by ‘All That She Wants’ by Ace of Base, the cackles of put-downs and men fighting like stags in season.

This programme is a painfully honest reflection of a Friday night out in a Reflex bar, complete with the failed promise of thrills after a drunken one-night of jack hammer sex or rueful onanistic moment brought on by the flash of leg in a cold taxi rank queue.

Take Me Out is pain itself, broadcast directly into your house.

Imagine the most irritating thing ever. No, worse than Justin Lee Collins screaming The Birdy Song in your ear from close range. No, worse than being stuck in a lift with Ainsley Harriot and Fearne Cotton.

If you’ve managed to imagine something worse than the above, then you’re probably in the ball park of new ITV show, Take Me Out which will star Paddy McGuinness and a hoarde of randy mouth breathers all stood around erect or dripping respectively.

Since the demise of Blind Date, ITV have clearly been missing the thrill of watching the initial stages of people mating. They tried out Holly and Fearne Go Dating or whatever it was called, until someone pointed out that the most unarousing thing on earth is Holly and Fearne gurning at you with their rubber mask flexifaces.

To step into the shoes of Blind Date, they’ve hired Rent-a-Shite, Paddy McGuinnes, to relive his days of repeating the same things over and over to women in short skirts in Bolton’s Ikon nightclub in a new dating show that may well fulfil the potential of irritating.

The basic premise is this: McGuinness will try to match a single man with one of 30 women from across the UK. The man enters the studio and announces just his name, age and where he is from. Each of the girls has a light in front of them, and if they decide the man is not for them, they switch it off. The women continue to rule themselves in or out as the suitor reveals more of his personality, before one is eventually chosen to go on a date.

Read that back. Paddy McGuinness helping you to find love. It’s like asking Abu Hamsa to pick your nose for you.

Now, you may remember Take Me Out being piloted last year for Channel 4. They called it the “cattle market of dating shows”. Now it’s transferred to ITV, it’ll be more like the STD clinic of television.

[via BroadcastNow]

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