True Blood

True Blood kicks off on terrestrial TV this week (Channel 4, Wednesday, 7 October, 10pm) after causing all manner of reddened cheeks and giddy hoots of glee.

The show gets cred by virtue of being written by Alan Ball who brought us the eerily great Six Feet Under (not the infamously high-pitched football manager and World Cup winner) and will invariably drag a few bums on seats with the premise of edgy vampires and fantasy… with around 10 sex scenes per minute.

As Buffy The Vampire Slayer showed (and the various nuts who fawn over every chronicle of vampires written by Anne Rice), we’re all a bit obsessed with blood sucking humanoids. No other creation of the dark side manages to conjure the same seedy glamour as a vampire does it? Imagine Frankenstein in a sex-scene. It’s horrible, rudimentary rutting like pigs in a shed. Zombies? Well, they’re fun… but they can’t run around with nice haircuts and leather jackets half as well can they?

No, vampires are like rock stars for nerds, all Gothic and brooding. Naturally, vampires can be a great tool (like many horror films) for saying something else about the world. They’re another race… they’re a people misunderstood… and all that good junk. You can pin social issues on these guys should you wish.

With True Blood being set in Louisiana, we’re set for a scene of hicks who don’t like strangers to get all fearful and ‘xenophobic’. Emos will love it as it massages their need to be interesting and misunderstood.

In perpetual night-time, vampires are like night dwelling rockstars and their thirst for blood is not unlike our thoughts of needy singers hoovering up cocaine like it’s going out of fashion.

As such, we’re faced with a preposterously good-looking cast which features Anna Paquin who plays Sookie. She happens to be a telepathic barmaid.  Stephen Moyer arrives as vampire Bill who is every bit the front man of an imagined singer in a band. Between them, cue heaving and grunting and generally having weird looking blood stained sex like a fetish lived out that we probably don’t have outside of TV.

This show is set to be utterly addictive and will invariably send people scurrying like rats to buy up boxsets and the like. Essentially, here we have a show that recognised that everyone went a bit ga-ga when Buffy went a bit weird with black magick, people going evil and occasional lesbianism.

This is one long blow-job with fangs.

The hit vampire show True Blood premieres on FX on Friday, July 17th at 10pm.

Check out these videos to see what all the fuss is about.

  • BBC One
  • BBC Two
  • BBC Three
  • ITV1
  • ITV2
  • 4
  • E4
  • Film4
  • More4
  • Five
  • Fiver
  • Sky1