Young Dumb and Living Off Mum

Like no other period in television history, the television set has begun to antagonise us. The main culprit is BBC Three with a steady stream of shows that are the televisual equivalent of braying brain donors, to thick to perform even the most basic human functions. These shows run around with soiled undercarriages and dry, fat tongues from mouth breathing.

Worst of the bunch is Young Dumb and Living Off Mum which features young people so thick and spoiled that you could crack open their heads like boiled eggs and find nothing but lint and ear wax inside. What’s even more depressing is that the BBC know this and are gauding the viewing into spitting bile at the TV set.

This particular show sets out its stall as a ‘journey’ programme. Normally in a programme like this, we get a perfectly reasonable human being and take them out of their comfort zone. Shows like Faking It saw rugby players being taught ballet or nurses getting trained up as cage fighters… the whole point was to watch a person transform in some way. Sometimes for the better, often for the craic.

However, this tawdry lump of a series gets substandard dolts and takes them on a journey toward ‘just barely functioning’. It’s like Scrapheap Challenge, getting junk and turning into into malfunctioning rubbish with a limited lifespan, only involving hairspray and lipgloss.

These cretins, each one carved from bars of soap, find themselves in floods of tears whilst trying to compute the prospect of turning on a washing machine and somehow not drowing one of the other housemates. Each mind-numbingly simple task becomes a mountainous problem, usually resulting in tantrums, tears and voices so simpleton that it feels like you’re listening to a pull chord Mickey Mouse toy talking with the batteries half-dead.

The weird thing about this show is that I’m still not sure how I’m supposed to react to this show. Am I supposed to sneer and moo at the assembled idiots? Am I supposed to sympathise and scowl at the parents who have clearly spoiled them rotten? Am I supposed to scowl at them all?

It’s clearly the latter.

The fluffy imbeciles are sent to a farm to stand up to their chicken fillets in the arse explosions of load of cows and pigs. These precious ickle brats are obviously sent to the most putrid smelling jobs around so we can mock them. Those TV folks are a rotten lot aren’t they?

Well no. Fact is, it’s the parents of the participants who decide which jobs are thrust upon their cherubs. In some strange justice system, this is the BBC funding and facilitating revenge for a group of weary parents who are too spineless to kick their kids in the seat of their pants. They’ve had to get a nasty wasty telly pwogwamme to do it for them.

So is this show any good? Well, if you like getting abnormally irritated by a bunch of people too stupid to blink, then you’ll love it. Effectively, what I’m saying is: This show is rubbish. This show knows it’s rubbish. You do too. It’s walking into a support group for the stupid and trying not to go postal.

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